Monday, January 30, 2012

Why Does Something Feel "Off'?


I was recently asked the question below on another blog. Several other women commented to say they could relate to her and wanted to know my response as well. I'm glad she gave voice to her feelings and asked - as it clearly resonated. It's so important to know we aren't alone in our struggles. While I don't personally know her and I am not a counselor, I promised I would pray for discernment and respond this week in some posts here.

Here's what she asked:

"What if you “think” you are content with where you are in life …but something still feels “off”? I have an adoring husband, 3 awesome boys that keep me very busy, I am an RN with a very good job…(no longer work the floor as it was too much with such a busy family!), we sold our large home last year and downsized to have a lower mortgage, and now 2 of my 3 kids can walk to school….such a huge blessing for my sanity!!…and now….things have calmed down, “all is well” and I just feel off….I have been gaining weight, feel tired most of the time, enjoy being at home…not running all the time to activities…(which at times I admit makes me feels guilty)…I am struggling with motivation to exercise etc. I feel as if I am on a “Merry-Go-Round”…laundry, dishes, figuring out what’s for dinner, kids homework…I feel like I am present in my life, but not enjoying my life right now…not sure if that makes any sense! I just wanted to see what your thoughts might be…"

Any number of things could be driving this "something is off" feeling. It could be biochemical - like hormone fluctuations, or thyroid issues. Could be diet-related. I find the quality of the nutrition I'm consuming greatly impacts my emotional life. (Sometimes a good "Stress B-Complex with C" vitamin picks my mood up right off the floor!)

She mentioned backing off on exercise - that will certainly contribute to feelings of lethargy. And to weight gain.

It could be *unresolved issues from the past coming to the forefront again now that so many of her previous distractions (a demanding job, a bigger house to clean and pay for, lots of carpooling to run) have been eliminated. Busyness has a way of hiding our true issues and feelings from us.

(*Those could be childhood issues with her parents or siblings. Or body-issues. Could be a lack of desire or intimacy in the bedroom. Lots of possible things here.)

Or maybe boredom is simply settling in now that those tasks are off her plate. She may be relieved to have those daily pressures gone, yet at the same time feel a lack of "purpose" now. Maybe she just needs to take up sewing or gardening. Take on a community project or a 5K run. Start writing a blog or a novel. Sign up for a Bible study or a Zumba class. Or find a cause to champion in Christ.

Then again, the problem is very likely to be Perfect on Paper Syndrome. I will blog about that tomorrow. But in the meantime, can you too relate?

Have you had seasons when something just felt vaguely but unmistakably off? Got any advice to offer on dealing with that? Chime in the comments if you want to talk about it.

14 comments:

  1. I noticed that she didn't mention anything about her spiritual life or her relationship with God. When I was having the same feelings that she describes, I realized that my focus had moved away from God and was more on me. Stress was all I knew and suddenly I didn't need to control as many things. I was trying to figure things out on my own instead of depending upon God for answers and direction. I discovered that my guilt stemmed from not feeling worthy of having things go well or be easy. I had forgotten that God wants His children to be happy because He loves us no matter what. I still stuggle with feeling unworthy and that's when things "feel off" for me. Just my thoughts......

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    1. Thanks for jumping in and adding to the discussion, Diane. Interesting that you said you'd feel guilty or unworthy when things started going well for you. My friend above mentioned feelings of guilt as well.

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  2. Rachel,
    As I read her question to you, and your response, I knew exactly where she was. I've been feeling that way for the last year, especially since my husband retired. It began when I became an empty nester. The Lord as has been faithful to meet me each step of the way. I've found my strength and encouragement through having a prayer partner. I know I can call her at any time.
    For me ist's also about yielding your life over to Christ. Surrendering each day to him, and letting Him be in control.
    I read Proverbs 3:5-8 and Psalm 37:1-9, when I'm really feeling confused. But what I have to realize the most, si not to be dependent on my emotions and feelings. The Lord is with me always and He know what is best for me.
    The Proverbs 31 ministry team has been a blessing to me. God has used their devotionals and blogs to speak to me. Thank you for being His servants!
    Your sister-in-Christ,
    Grace

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    1. Hi Grace. Yielding to Christ. "Preaching" to yourself via verses in Proverbs. Keeping your emotions in proper perspective. You had some really helpful things to say having walked this path. Thanks for commenting.

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  3. I can definitely relate... I have had a few seasons in my life where I felt completely off. I find that I feel this way when I have something that needs to be settled between me and Jesus. Like, right now, I have something that I need to turn over to Him, and until I do, nothing will feel right. Even if it's something little, it can make a big impact on our spiritual life. That's just my experience. I know that there are physical things one can do to feel better such as eating well and exercising, but my overall emotional well-being tends to be tied directly to my relationship with God and how much I am trusting Him. Can't wait to read your thoughts on this tomorrow, Rachel.

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  4. I can relate to. Tamara, thank you for sharing because what you said made perfect sense to me. I am going through the same thing but my problem relates to my job. I should be thankful and happy that I have a well paying job but I am letting certain people at my work make me miserable which is causing me stress and unhappiness. I feel like a burden to Jesus when I pray about such troubles because I think that my issues are so much smaller compared to what other people are going through. I am also trying to solve my own problems but I am failing at it and causing more stress. My goal this week is to try and totally surrender every issue whether it be big or small to Jesus and pray without ceasing. I haven't been spending much time reading the Bible which has also made a big impact for me. I used to get in the habit of having quiet time with God first thing in the morning before I get out of bed and in the evening just before I went to sleep. I felt more at peace and had more clarity in my life when I stuck to my routine. I also found it helpful to read the Bible right before I went to sleep because it helped me to meditate about what I read. Thank you Rachel for posting this -- you helped me see what I needed to do to improve my spiritual journey.
    Laura M.

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  5. I spent years in a state of "off". I sought the Lord, asked friends to pray with me, went to counseling.....on and on. Other than a sovereign God I have no answer to what changed me but I can say that I am changed. I no longer feel that way and have not for nearly 12 years....yes I know the time it took because it was such a profound difference when it changed. When I look back I think that God allowed me to walk through that "off" time of my life because he knew I would need what I learned during that struggle to help me through the rest of my life. He has given me some great insights and has allowed me to share them with my children and with others, maybe to help them in their "off" times.

    My advice is to stay before the Lord. Give him your "offness" every day and let him show you what you need to see and hear and learn.....and obey, if necessary. He is faithful. He is listening.

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  6. This is totally not on topic but I love the picture at the beginning of this blog.

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    1. Off topic comments totally welcome here. :)

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  7. I am in this state right now. I am making myself exercise even a little bit. I am tired and motivation is waning on every front. I was thinking I need to be in the sun's rays a bit and soak up some Vitamin D. I think I am on the computer too much as well. I need to be in the word much more than I am. Help me Lord. I know He will!

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    1. Boy, can I relate to spending too much time on the computer! Me too...I sit down to just check my email, or facebook, and the next thing I know, an hour has passed (or more, I am ashamed to say). Not only are other things getting neglected at times, but then I feel guilty, and it is even harder to get up and motivated.

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  8. Rule out physical problems first with a checkup. A wacky thyroid can really make you feel this way. If there is something wrong in any one area (physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual) it can create these feelings. Depression can come from all the changes that have been made (even good change can cause it). Also, having the extra time, like you mentioned Rachel, can bring out issues that were buried under busyness.

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  9. I am living in this state right now. We recently relocated to a very small town where I do not know anyone. We have yet to find a new church. I do not work right now, but am in grad school. I am happy (or think i am) with taking care of my house and family. I feel sluggish, and unmotivated. I eat too much and rarely exercise. I know my faith is lacking. I try to pray and be in the word, but I am having a hard time feeling God right now, even though if not for God's goodness and grace, we would not be where we are. I have this long list of things I "should" be doing, or ways I "should" be. But who says what I "should" be doing? I need to get rid of that because all it does is stress me out because I never measure up to my own impossibly high expectations. I am thinking that I need a retreat. This is something that helped me in earlier stages in my life...time to be alone, reflect, pray, and renew. Just knowing I am not alone in these feelings is helpful. Thank you for this post!

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    1. Thanks for jumping in the discussion today. Hey, what are you studying in grad school? I paused and prayed for you. :) Stay tuned and we will talk about this more.

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