Today, I'm torn.
Torn between what I want to do, and what I want to do.
I have two competing desires. And I don't think I can do them both. So I have to choose.
I hate choosing. In the "either/or" questions of life, I prefer to be an "AND" girl. As in have the cake and eat it too.
When I was younger, maybe 12, I remember sitting in the dressing room for half-an-hour while my mom repeatedly held up items of clothing I'd just tried on. "You can't get them all so which three do you want? Pick three." It felt like she was telling me I couldn't keep both my legs so I'd need to choose which one I wanted to keep. I didn't know which to choose.
My situation today is a little bit different. I'm not choosing between things - for one of them I must do. It's a given. An obligation. And that's ok because I want to do it. And I want to do it well. REALLY well.
The problem is I also want to do this other thing - this optional desire. At the same time. And if I do that thing too, I'm afraid I won't be able to do the first obligation REALLY WELL. Plus, I might not do such a hot job with the second thing, or enjoy the process as much, because I already have the first obligation on my plate.
So I'm torn. Can you relate?
The easiest and perhaps smartest thing to do would be to just do obligation #1 and do it well. Leave desire #2 for another time when I can do it well. And that would be my decision - it would be a painful one to make, but it would be my decision - except for my one word.
When I think and think on something and I'm still not sure what course to take, I consult my one word for the year. This year that one word is CREATE. And wouldn't you know, desire #2 is the quintessential outcome of my one word. At least in my head it is.
But obligation #1 is the first outcome of this year's one word. Here's the deal. Obligation #1 is spending November preparing to launch my new book My One Word: Change Your Life with Just One Word and it's accompanying speaking topics and life coaching package. The book releases in December. And I. AM. SO. STOKED. for what this book will do!
Meanwhile, desire #2 is to spend the month of November creating a novel with NaNoWriMo because November is national novel writing month. It is crazy to write a novel - much less your first - in one month. That will take so much focus and time. But my heart yearns to try it. And it would be so fun to do in the group process that is NaNoWriMo. (I dig fun.)
Yet I don't want to hinder in any way the launch of my best creation of my year with CREATE - My One Word.
So I remain torn, but trusting I will find my way into the right decision as I lean on the verses below. Maybe they will help you today too.
"For the LORD gives wisdom, and from his mouth come knowledge and understanding." ~Proverbs 2:6
"If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all
without finding fault, and it will be given to him." ~James 1:5
"To the man who pleases him, God gives wisdom, knowledge and happiness..." ~Ecclesiastes 2:26
"In his heart a man plans his course, but the LORD determines his steps." ~Proverbs 16:9
I am praying to have wisdom and peace with my decision. If you can relate to any of this and you want me to pray for one of your decisions too, leave me a comment. This "and girl" would be happy to pray over my choice and yours. Anybody else out there doing NatNoWriMo?