An open letter to Kohl's ...

Dear Kohl's,

First let me say that I love you and your fabulous sales. Plus, with your "Kohl's Cash," you make shopping feel like a fun job where I earn money. I've also gotten many a present at your store ... I've even been known to stand outside your doors at 5:45 am on the morning after Thanksgiving with Starbucks in one hand and the "Black Friday" sales flier in the other.

But today - September 17, 2009 - you've gone a little too far. Today as I walked in to buy a present for a kid's birthday party, I saw not one, not two, not three, but four CHRISTMAS TREES. Fully decked out! With racks of ornaments and holiday decor nearby. I even touched one to make certain I wasn't hallucinating.

I thought I was jumping the gun by decorating for fall at the end of August ... you people are zooming straight to Christmas two weeks after Labor Day?!?

Please stop the faux-snow insanity and let me enjoy all things pumpkin, and colored leaves, and acorns. Have you seen my fall to-do list? I need more time before I have to think about evergreens, nativities, and stocking stuffers. I promise I'll still be outside on Black Friday if you'll stop trying to force Christmas before October. Really, it's not a good idea ... you'll peak too soon.

Sincerely (on behalf of women everywhere),
Rachel in North Carolina (where it is still 85 degrees!)

TMI, lattes and The Message

Hey there. I don't really have anything important, insightful, or witty to say but nonetheless I need to say something because 1) it's been awhile, and more importantly 2) I want to bump down the last post where I published the actual true circumference of the widest part of my thigh.


WHAT WAS I THINKING?!


Girls, that is a prime example of the dangers of blogging. Or at least the dangers of blogging alone. Friends should not let friends blog alone, at least not with tape measure in hand.

I reckon I'll just ramble for a few paragraphs to fill some space ...

Let's see, I've just finished teaching my class at the university, then I had dinner with the fam, and now I'm in the coffee shop at Barnes and Nobel. But I'm not having any coffee. I found out months ago that too many pumpkin-spice lattes make my thigh circumference stats go up.

Instead, I'm waiting for my appointment at the professional massage spa next door. Today they are doing a fundraiser for the Susan B. Komen Breast Cancer Foundation. All massages are half price and that money is donated to the foundation. I'm pretty sure if Martha were here she would deem it "a good thing." This is soooo my kind of fundraising.

I'm also toying with the idea of reading through the entire Bible in The Message translation in 2010. Anybody done that? They have it out in book form (see here). Anybody interested in doing it with me? Each day's reading ends with just two questions for reflection or application. We could read and then post our answers to one or both of the questions. Just a thought I'm mulling around.


I've already started making homemade soups - something I do all fall and winter. But I'm waiting for the cold weather to officially start before I make a pot of chili. I'm chili-dreaming. Or would that be chilly-dreaming?

(I warned you I didn't have anything intelligent or witty to say.)

Well, I've sufficiently bumped that post down now, so off I go to lay face down on a table while inhaling aromatherapy, listening to calming zen music, and letting a complete stranger named Kay coax the tension from my back.
Is that weird? Suddenly that seems weird.
Well, if it helps cure breast cancer ...

I fear this is turning into another one of those posts where I need somebody to tell me to stop typing and back away from the computer before I create more bloggy regrets.

PS. I just realized I have no idea how much to tip for a half-price, fundraising massage.

Take that Robert Plant

I started taking gymnastics at an early age, and excelled at it. My father tells me I spent more time upside down than right-side up during my formative years - maybe that's why I'm not quite right. Anyway, by the time I was ten, I'd spend upwards of 12 hours a week practicing or competing. That's in addition to my free time I spent flipping in the front yard or standing on my hands on the balance beam in my garage.

I was extremely fit, and quite buff back in the day. For a tween-aged girl.


I had muscles like no 7th grade girl you'll see mulling around the accessories aisle at Claire's. Seriously, in middle school my calves and thighs were more muscular than all the girls and many of the boys I knew.


It was hard finding jeans to fit in the junior dept - seems they were always too snug through the hips and thighs. (Many thanks to whoever invented the "curvy fit" jean.) I felt self-conscious in a bathing suit next to my super-skinny peers. (Kudos to whoever invented that wrap skirt cover-up thing for bathing suits, but I wish they'd done it sooner.)

The radio didn't help me get over my body issues either. ZZ Top sang about Legs back then, only the girls in their video barely had any. Robert Plant crooned, "I don't know but I've been told, a big legged woman ain't got no soul." Whaaat? Isn't it bad enough my middle school legs were better defined than the US tax code, do you also have to accuse me of being soulless?

I've since made peace (mostly) with my thighs, but oh how I hated them then. The only good purpose they served was catapulting me into the air so I could turn flips.

But wait, turns out there is another good purpose they serve. Finally, happy news for those of us with fuller thighs. Apparently, having a thigh circumference of less than 23.6 inches puts you at significantly higher risk for heart disease or dying prematurely! A circumference of less than 18 inches is particularly risky. I have to admit, sadly, they found no additional benefit in having thighs larger than 23.6 inches though. Here is the article proving this sounds-too-good-to-be-true fact.

So my thighs might just save my life? Cool. Now, that's worth flipping over.

Right now you are wondering where your tape measure is. Pull it out, measure, and take heart - literally. I don't know exactly where to measure so I went with the largest looking spot and mine measured 22.25. A little less than the magic 23.6 figure. Shhh, don't tell anyone my number. I wear black pants to make them appear smaller. I think I'm fooling people.

Now you go measure yours, only don't tell me if your thighs are smaller than mine ... that might trigger another complex. :) Meanwhile, I'm off to the neighbor's trampoline to turn a few flips in honor of my full, heart-healthy thighs.

Late August Highlights

Thought I should pop in at my blog and at least post some highlights from my previous week:

• Taught a Next Steps coaching session for writers via conference call last night. Just between you and me (and the internet) ... it is surprisingly awkward to speak into a phone for an hour straight and teach something without being able to see or hear your audience.

• My daughter started middle school. After the very first day she came home complaining about her (perfectly skinny and fit) thighs. Does a body image complex come standard with the middle school math text or something?

• Started back teaching at the university. I love teaching fall semester at the college. It makes me want to put on plaid skirts and "brainy glasses." Looks like I have a good group of students this semester.

• My now deceased mother-in-law was delivered to my door step. Her wishes were to be cremated. She had already pre-arranged and paid for it. That much I knew. What I didn't know was that my hubby told them to deliver the results to our house. Being the only one home that afternoon I answered the door thinking it was a florist delivery. I had to sign for her. Surreal. Where do you set your mother-in-law??

• Have family in town. My sister-in-law from Great Brittan has been staying with us. (She married a Brit.) She's been enjoying the southern food she doesn't get there. It's fun to cook for someone who raves over every bite.

• My church moved from 3 services to 4. Yes, it's a large church. But small groups and serving make it live small.

• I've decorated for fall. Every year I wait too late to do it b/c it doesn't get cold around here until end of October. But not this year. The fall wreaths are out, along with the fall flag and gourds. Makes me smile, even if I'm walking past it in shorts.

• Also brought out my favorite fall candles like "Harvest" and "Spice, Spice, Baby" by Yankee. Then there is a soy one, "Vanilla Blossom," that sits on my file cabinet in my home office year round (see pic above). Got it on sale at Target about 3 years ago. I sooooo love it but can't buy it anywhere any more. I've even scoured the internet. So I only burn this like 5 times a year. Yes, I'm hoarding it. And sometimes I sniff it unlit. It's a sickness. If you smelled it you'd understand (maybe).

Hope you are doing well. And if you ever find a vanilla blossom soy candle, buy 10 of them for me and I'll pay you back!