Tamar's Tale

Are you noticing how much men, marriage, sex, and babies play into all these women’s stories so far? We’re often surprised to read the lengths to which these ancient sisters would go to in order to have babies. Let’s talk about marriage and babies, as that’s what’s at the center of Tamar’s tale.

First, many of you asked where the marriage ceremony was for Leah and Jacob since Jacob expected to be marrying Rachel. Marriage in their day contained three main components:

1) The parents arranged it. Remember how Abraham sent his servant to his hometown in search of a bride for 40 year-old Isaac? The father of the bride was definitely in charge of who would marry his daughter and when. Laban decided to marry Leah off before Rachel - though in a very deceitful way that gave Jacob no say in the matter.

2) The next component is the bride price. Negotiated between the groom and the bride’s father, it could include money, livestock, clothing, jewelry, or an act of service performed. For Jacob, who came empty handed, it was seven years of work. The bride price does not mean the husband is purchasing the bride like property, but rather it shows the bride’s worth in the eyes of the father and the groom. Laban deemed the first 7 years of Jacob’s work as Leah’s bride price and then told Jacob he’d have to work another 7 years for Rachel’s bride price.

3) The third component is the feast or celebration night, in which the marriage is consummated sexually. The feast was typically given by the father of the bride, as Laban did. It’s unclear if there was a separate feast for Rachel once the next 7 years of work was complete, but by then Jacob and Rachel had already slept together anyway.

I hope that that helps our understanding of how Jacob came to be hitched to both Leah and Rachel. Now let’s talk about Tamar’s marriage situation. Hers is a case of what’s called “levirate marriage.”

Levirate marriage took place when a husband died before an heir-child was produced. In such cases, the deceased husband’s brother would marry the widow and give her children that would be considered the first husband’s heirs. This was done so that the first husband’s bloodline would continue, or as the Bible says, so that “his name not be put out of Israel” (Deut. 25:6). Notice that bloodlines were deemed extremely important. This practice became part of the law of Moses (Deut. 25:5-10). If a man refused to marry his widowed sister-in-law, he would be publicly disgraced.

Tamar married Judah’s son Er (remember Judah is Leah’s son). Er does something sinful in God’s eyes and is struck dead for his sin. Er’s brother Onan then must marry Tamar. Only Onan refused to give Tamar children. He used the levirate system by taking her as wife and sleeping with her - and avoiding public disgrace. But behind closed doors, Onan cheated Tamar and the levirate system by purposefully not completing the conjugal act.

Why didn’t Onan want Tamar to have a child? In a word: greed. If Tamar had a son, part of Judah’s estate would be left to him in Er’s name. Onan didn’t want to give up any of his inheritance. Guess what? Onan then suffered the same fate as his brother Er. Deeds done in the dark are always seen by God. There is one son left but he is still too young to consummate a marriage.

Here’s the deal. Levirate custom said if no brothers are over the age of 10, then the widow can be released and free to marry again. Judah could’ve released Tamar to marry into another family. Instead, he asks her to wait on his young son Shelah, and sends Tamar back to her parents’ house to do the waiting.

Can you imagine how Tamar felt? … widowed … cheated … used. Can you imagine how this affected her reputation? Picture the stares of the other women – Poor Tamar can’t bear children. Poor Tamar, all her husbands die an early death. Poor Tamar, she’s moved back in with her parents. Poor Tamar, she’s now engaged to a little boy.

Therefore, there sits Tamar, back at square one in life, waiting for a husband with her biological clock ticking really loud. The time comes when Shelah would be old enough, but Judah never sends for Tamar. She is trapped. If she could just have a son, she would receive some inheritance and would have someone to look out for her in her old age. Yet Judah and his family cost her every chance at that. Without children, her future looked bleak, and everyone knew it, including Judah.

Tamar’s future was frustratingly out of her hands… or was it? Tamar learns Judah is traveling nearby. She devises a way to get out from between this rock and hard place she’s been stuck in every since the death of her husband Er. She will gain an heir from Judah’s family – indeed from Judah himself. Tamar poses as a prostitute, Judah propositions her, and she gets his identifying possessions to later prove he was the father should any children be conceived.

Children were conceived, and Judah calls for Tamar’s death for turning up pregnant while still being betrothed to his son Shelah who she hadn’t slept with. He was quick to throw the first stone. In response, Tamar produces the identifying possessions, proving that Judah is the father of her unborn twins. Judah eventually admits, “She is more in the right than I, since I did not give her to my son Shelah” (Gen. 38:26).

Tamar, like some of her relatives had, resorted to deceit to conceive her children when it looked like she would not have any. Also, like many of her relatives before her, God remembered her plight, and did for Tamar. God allowed Tamar's daring plan to result in conception, and she birthed Perez and Zerah. Perez would become a direct ancestor to King David and, much later, to Jesus of Nazareth.

Judah and his sons showed a penchant for sin and little concern for upholding the laws and continuing their holy (set apart for God’s purposes) bloodline. Meanwhile, Tamar was determined to continue that bloodline through her womb. God used her desperate act to ensure the tribe of Judah would in deed continue – and even one day lead to the birth of the world’s Messiah. Yes, men, marriage, sex and babies sure were important to our biblical sisters, and clearly to God as well.

I want to remind us once again as we read these women’s stories, that God uses the imperfect actions of imperfect people to advance His perfect plans for humanity and eternity. If we stop to consider that fact a moment, and how it applies in our own lives, I think we'll go through today feeling quite grateful that He does.

Post what you thought of Tamar’s brief but memorable story.