Tuesday, May 5, 2009

Another touchy topic

 Welcome if you've come from my P31 devotion "Soul Mates." 

*Before you leave here today, if you are married, be sure and click here to read my earlier post on "Why Men Cheat." You don't want to miss it!

On this blog we've talked several times in the past about lust, affairs, and why men cheat (according to reserach). Today we're tackling the sensitive topic of: emotional affairs.

Aren't I just a bundle of fun?!

Here's why I ask. A sweet friend contacted me to confess that she is teetering on the edge of one ... perhaps even crossing the line. She wants to resist it, but he is filling needs for her that have not been filled in a long time with his words and attention. She doesn't want to do anything wrong; she is a believer. Yet she is finding the feelings he evokes and satisfies so hard to walk away from.

Have you ever found yourself in this situation - or close to it - with someone that is not your husband? If so, how did you get to that place - and how did you get back out of it?

What advice or prayers can you offer my friend?


  1. The advice I have for her ...she may not want to hear. But run! It is dangerous. Just like Joseph ran from Potipher's wife, she needs to stay away.

    It is so tempting, especially if you're not getting your needs met at home. Instead, I would recommend spending time every morning with the Lord. Fill her cup to overflowing with the Spirit of the Lord and then she won't be as needy, looking to others for what she believes she needs; affirmation and words of encouragement. It may be hard but getting involved hurts worse. Everyone ends up getting hurt.

  2. My advice for her would be to remember (a thousand times a day) that this IS a trap of the devil. The feelings she feels are so enticing, so addictive - but we need to realize that that is what they are - addictive! I remember reading/hearing somewhere that the feelings we feel in an adulterous affair are truly that - an addiction. A different hormone is released in that situation than the hormone that is released when we are feeling loved in a marriage relationship. The hormone released in the marriage relationship is satisfying but not addictive. So when she starts to think those thoughts and have those feelings begin, she needs to tell herself - this is a trap of the devil. These feelings feel good, but they are a deception. They lead to addiction. They lead to pain and unforseen hurt. And they are TEMPORARY. Hopefully we all felt feelings like that when we first met our spouses, but those feelings do not last. They may come and go, but they are not constant.
    Like Debbie said, "Run!" Remove yourself from the situation. Set up boundaries. Tell a few trusted women who can keep you accountable. Seek a Bible-directed counselor if you need to. Without knowing the specifics of the situation, it may be a good thing to tell your husband. Tell him that you feel empty, lonely, unfulfilled. Ask him if he feels that way.
    The book that helps me the most in keeping the proper perspective of my hubby is Created To Be His Helpmeet by Debi Pearl. She shoots straight from the hip. The things she says will make you mad sometimes, but GOD uses it every time to do a work in my heart, to soften my heart towards my husband. She reminds me to be proactive rather than reactive and waiting on my husband to meet my needs (which he has no clue even exists sometimes). So often we have this battle raging inside of us, and they have no clue there is even a battle. The same can also be said of men's battles. We can be just as clueless as to what is raging in their minds and hearts.
    I pray the LORD will open the eyes of this lady, and she will lace up her shoes and run! I say all this with compassion as I know the pain of unmet needs myself. We all do, if we're honest.


  3. I would also add that we need to remember we made a commitment to GOD to stick with our husbands - for better, for WORSE, in sickness and in heatlh. Our commitment is not based upon how we feel or whether everyone is doing their part. What if the LORD did this to us??? How horrible a place we would be in! HE certainly has justifiable reasons to get fed up with us, to get raging mad, to throw in the towel and say, "You're just not cutting it!". But HE keeps on giving. HE keeps extending mercy. HE keeps forgiving. Again, I don't know the specifics of the situation...if there is abuse going on, she definitely needs wise counseling and may need to remove herself from the situation, but we should not close our hearts to our husbands just because we are not getting what we want or need from them. (Do you hear this, Self???) We should not give up or give in for ourselves' sake. Focusing on self leads to death.

    Remember, dear lady, what JESUS has done and is doing for you today. Remember how much you need HIM. Remind yourself of the brutality that JESUS suffered. Don't gloss over it. We want to avoid pain at all costs, but that is not good. Pain is our warning that something is not right. JESUS could have run from the agony HE endured. HE could have disappeared at any time. But HE chose to stay, to endure, to complete the task given to HIM. I pray we do the same.


  4. AnonymousMay 06, 2009

    God, I pray for this woman to be strong in the face of this temptation. Strengthen her and hide her in Christ. Show her the great depth of your love for her. In the name of Jesus I pray.

  5. My advice to this dear person is to the same as Debbie RUN! Sin always looks and feels good but is deceptive, its always leads to death whether spiritual or physical. Remember the enemy is always up to no good, he wants to steal (your marriage, your joy, your happiness) to kill (all the wonderful plans that God has for you) and to destroy ( your mind, your relationships, your body and your eternal life in God). So flee from that tempting situation. Resist. Pray and God will deliver you.

  6. Rachel,
    Working in a Christian Counseling office every day I see the damage and devasting effects this type of thing does to entire familes. Children especially are affected by things like this for MANY years.
    People think "no one" could ever be hurt by such "an innocent" thing.
    Let me make this perfectly clear... SIN in neither innocent or stagnant.
    Emtoional affairs are affiars period and often lead to other things!
    Even if you're not having your needs met in your marriage, this is NOT the answer. Seek godly counsel.
    The Lord can fill the empty places.
    Run girl run!!!!
    Do NOT fall into temptation.
    DO NOT allow the enenmy to whisper lies into your ears.
    Be strong and courageous and get help for your marriage.
    PLEASE do not allow the enemy to ruin one more family.

  7. AnonymousMay 06, 2009

    I wasn't going to post because you never know who ends up reading cyber stuff. But if it can help save a marriage, then God give me the strenght.
    What started out 8 years ago as he described a business relationship turned into divorce for us. His needs weren't being met for what ever reason. He found a person who would listen to him. He didn't have the stress of the home and kids. They traveled together with work. It was promised over and over that it wasn't physical, but an emotional affair was perhaps worse for us. I went so far a confront her on the phone. He didn't stand up for me. I fought all I could. But in the end divorce won and three families were changed, she was married too.
    I still love him and accept that I made mistakes.
    My advice it to run, admit the thoughts to God. Seek counsel and be honest with spouse. Get someone to hold her accountable for her actions and thought. That worked for a little while with us.
    Do whatever you can and then take one more step to save you marriage.

    Just think as Eve stood in the garden and thought about that apple,what would have happened if she went and sought Adam's and and God's counsel on eating it. Hum

    Praying for this marriage

  8. AnonymousMay 06, 2009

    My advice is watch the movie "Fireproof". It just talks abt this issue. The song "Slow fade" by Casting crowns, explains exactly how we get caught up in deception. I pray that this lady is strong enough to fight the temptation and stand up for what God wants for her.

  9. I would encourage her to read "Confessions of an Adulteress Christian Woman" - her story sounds so much like the story told in this book. Her temptation is dangerous adn I am proud of her for sharing it with you. Satan wants to set a trap and then turn it on her for the basis of accusing her. He works that way every time.

    This book is powerful! I believe it can really help her, and all of us!

  10. It is so amazing how the Lord tells us just what we need to hear and when. I am not married, but I have been on the brink of an inappropriate "flirtation" with someone who is engaged for a few months now. It ebbs and flows as we come into contact with each other through work, but it has been there in the background of my mind since early March. The devil has been slowly trying to convince me that there is no reason I cannot start seeing this man. The Devil's reasons: He is not married; I am not married; obviously he can't love her enough to marry her if he is so interested in me; and the list goes on. But after reading this post and the comments, I realize that what I need to do is run. It is not my place to be the thing that prevents their marriage, and if he is this close to getting involved with me as an engaged man, what would prevent him from doing it all over again to me should we get involved?

    Thank you to all who posted their advice to this other lady, and to God for providing words that spoke so clearly to me as well...

  11. Dear Rachel,

    I am very glad that this lady came to you with this issue. She is already seeking the counsel of a Godly woman! I have been in this situation, but I returned to my husband and our commitment to each other by remembering that only God can fill my empty spaces. It is unfair to expect my husband to be everything for me.

    I recommend to these passages with her (Eph. 3:16-20):

    16I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, 17so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, 18may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, 19and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.
    20Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, 21to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen.

  12. Wow...I've never been in such a situation. However, having endured a "d" and been left abandon by my true love, soul mate, etc, I know the all pivotal, importance of marriage and the covenant of marriage. We do not just make a covenant with a spouse but also with God. Maybe your friend can look at it from that perspective, to teeter to getting her desires met in such a relationship, is cheating ON GOD. Even though I still 22 months later believe in God to resurrect an extremely dead, six-feet-under marriage, I've learned that ANY and ALL marriages are worth saving.

    Like Debbie said...get on her running shoes and run like the dickens. Run like a bull is chasing her. Run hard, run fast. If she can't fully run toward her husband right now...run to God and He will show her how to heal her marriage, how to get her needs met (even if not from hubs right now)...I believe in marriage at all costs...even being married to an unbeliever which would have to be extremely hard!! It's biblical.

    I pray she turns on her biblical "beliefs"....turn to her beliefs and not her feelings. It must be extremely hard. But, I'd say she'd first have to permanently sever any and all communications with this man. Close that door even though she knows her door with hubs is not want she "feels" she wants.

    Oh, I am so passionate about marriage and honoring it at all costs. It is in Hebrews, I believe that says marriage is to be honored by all.

    I pray her beliefs in God and what His word says about this issue will drive conviction in her to know what to do and to give her the strength to do it.

  13. Rachel,

    Thanks for always making us ponder the hard stuff.

    I applaud your friend for coming to you and being vulnerable about her situation. It's so tempting to keep these types of issues hidden in the depths of our hearts and minds. Bless her heart for seeking your counsel.

    Advice? Hmmm...Like the other ladies - running away from the emotional affair sounds like a good start. Escape! If we let emotional affairs fester and set-in, they can be beyond destructive - in more ways than we can ever imagine.

    So glad that you bring up such important and real issues. I think many of us have had to make the choice to run away and sprint straight into the arms of Jesus. What He has in mind is always better.

    I already said a prayer for your friend :)

    Kate :)

  14. It is good that you push us to think about the hard stuff. My advice for your friend is to turn to Jesus and her spouse. She many not think he can offer her the things this other man is doing for her but he can if she communications her needs to him. Making the choice to stick with her husband has to be the focus and seeking God on how to get there is the answer.

  15. Some fantasic advice has been posted here. Keep it comming!!

    Linda - You've made my day. I prayed this morning that this post would do exactly that for someone. Your realizations are spot on.

    ** GIRLS- Linda is single ... any specific advice for the single gal falling for a married guy?

  16. AnonymousMay 06, 2009

    Both should seek God for help and like the others said run away from anything that you know is not of God. She would not have asked for advice if she didn't already know this. The devil came "to steal, kill and destroy" and that is exactly what he is trying to do in a situation like this already married or single. As Christians we are covered by the blood of Jesus Christ and the devil cannot cross that blood line, so tell him to flee "in the name of Jesus". He has no authority over those who belong to Jesus.

  17. AnonymousMay 07, 2009

    Satan is a tempter. He comes to you in your weakest place. I know, I just ended a year-long love affair. I am a Christian woman in a loveless marriage. Satan saw my weakness, and made this other relationship shine to me like Glory. Over and over again, the pain and realization of what I was doing created a roller coaster with the highs of being with this man, and lows of the regret this liaison caused in my life. Feeling love, euphoria, happiness, then guilt, shame, pain, then love, elation, feeling so loved, feeling so high, then the sinful realization, self-loathing, aching pain; over and over again. Ladies, guard your hearts, as they are the pathway to the soul. It starts out simple and innocent, and as you give in Satan causes you to desire more and more. Pray for this woman to hear God's voice and not Satan's. And please pray for me to keep my feet on the narrow path, and to for my heart to heal. It truly is over, but I am forever changed. Self-forgiveness is much harder to find than God's forgiveness. God does forgive and forget, and this grace helps me to even live right now. Rachel, tell your friend my story. Though it feels good for awhile, it will only lead to more pain and deep sadness than she can ever imagine. Be strong in God, pray without ceasing. And talk to your husband before it's too late.

  18. You cannot and must not trust your feelings!! Feelings and emotions (just like people) will let you down but God will never leave or forsake you. Look to the Lord and His word. Remember Joseph fleeing from Potipher's wife. God will give you a way out of this if you will let Him!!

  19. Rachel, I have been amazed at how many women struggle with this but no one really speaks out about it. So I am glad your friend came to a Christian friend with her struggle.

    The best advice I ever got when facing this sort of temptation was a simple prayer a friend gave me - "Jesus, come and be all that for me." Our husbands will never meet our every need, and when we meet someone more "likeminded" - with the same interests or sense of humor or whatever it is that makes a connection - it can be easy to let our emotions very quickly become involved. And the more we give in to them (and it is tempting!), the harder it is to get free from them too.

    But God is faithful and he does come and fill those needs for us when we turn to Him. I'll be praying for your friend from a heart that knows the struggle.

  20. I can speak from experience...she needs to RUN as far as she can from the situation...even if it means changing jobs, changing churches, etc...

    Very rarely do emotional affairs end there. I've been there, done that, and got the t-shirt. It takes a long time to recover and inevitably everyone involved gets hurt.

    A very helpful resource that I would recommend is "Every Woman's Battle" ...totally transformed my life and rocked my world!

    I will be praying for your friend.

  21. AnonymousMay 14, 2009

    I would like to put my story on here. Though I am married, and I know your friend is single...the man she is flirting with is married.
    My husband and I love each other, but he does not desire intimacy with me. Growing up, his parents, who are much older, treated sex as a bad thing...only for making children. Therefore, he doesn't have a healthy view of an intimate marriage relationship. He tries...God love him, he tries, but it is a real battle. I was a virgin when we married and this was very frustrating to me. Satan started whispering to me, "what did you wait for? Why did you save yourself for this?!?" I would suggest intimacy with my husband and would frequently be rejected.
    This went on and on for a few years. I would get angry and would guilt him, or say terrible things to him in hopes of making him feel as unloved as I felt. Satan stepped it up a notch...my feelings of worthiness now depended on whether or not my husband and I had sex. My sole focus became our sex life. I was miserable. Things got a little better when we decided to have a baby. But then, I was sick all through my pregnancy and didn't want to pursue intimacy anymore, so we just went back to no sex at all. I gained a ton of weight while pregnant, so now I had body image issues compounded with self worth issues. Satan kept it coming. I was home with a baby, feeling fat and about as sexy as a hippo and getting nothing physically from hubby. Emotionally he was wonderful...took care of me...great daddy, but as far as making me feel like a wife or a sexy woman, I was getting NOTHING.
    Out of the blue, I started talking to a friend of his one day. We realized we clicked very well in our personalities. He was laid off from his job, and so it was easy to talk to him in the day while my husband was working. THE WHOLE TIME I KNEW IT WAS WRONG, BUT KEPT ON TALKING TO HIM. I have been a Christian since age 9...let me tell you, I knew from the get go I was crossing a line. But I believed the Enemy's lies that it was "justified because Hubby deserved it. That's what happens when you don't take care of your spouse." The friend and I began going deeper and deeper in our conversations, to finally admitting an attraction to one another. We began talking intimately on the phone, or through IMing on the computer. Someone used the word addicting in a previous post...she has no idea how right she was with that word. That is what it is. There are NO words to describe the feeling...its like you know you are fliriting with disaster and that just ups the thrill of it. It is extrememly intense and you always want more after you come down from the high. This went on for a few months and then we saw each other for the first time since we had moved the status of our relationship. (he lives out of state) We were left alone while my husband went to work, and while we did not have sex, (and never did) we definitly crossed some physical boundaries...fully clothed, but lines were crossed nonetheless.
    This went on for 5 years! I was miserable! I would be high on the feelings he would make me feel, then come crashing down with the guilt and anger at myself for doing something I knew was so wrong and that would devistate my husband if he knew.
    God was always faithful though...He would slap me upside the head with messages straight from Him through books I read, through sermons, through magazine articles....whatever. I just put my blinders on and pretended it was all okay. Finally, one day I just had enough. I told Satan to get lost and get away from me. I ran to Jesus and poured my heart out...all my fears, my failures, my hurts, the rejections...all of it. I realized what someone else stated: "Its not fair for me to think my husband can be everything to me" Its not. No one person can be your everything! Self worth comes from God and God alone. No outside source can give it! I have never confessed my actions to my husband but God knows every gory detail. I know I am forgiven, but its true that self forgiveness isn't so easy. I am forever changed. I will say that Satan knows my weakness and like an alchoholic, I must take it one day at a time. It is an addiction to become emotionally dependent on someone. I still mess up and sometimes find myself longing to talk to this person again or feel the desire for him again. Its not so easy to sever ties when its your husbands best friend. I still have to be in contact with him on some levels. but I've made it clear that I will never be alone with him again. I'm learning however, to run to the LORD when I'm hurting. To let Him fill up my empty places and to help me love my Husband as He does...unconditionally...flaws and all. Funny, He loves me the same was...and I'm a sloppy mess. If God can extend that Grace to me, then I can certainly learn to extend it to my husband in our intimate relations.
    I pray that your friend will run like mad into the arms of her Savior...not into those of the married man. Jesus is the lover of her soul. I pray she will let Him be all that and more to her. Goodness knows I had to learn it the hard way.

  22. Satan will use everything in his power to convince her that the situation is harmless. She needs to run, and run fast.

    1. Confess the situation to her husband and open avenues of communication to see what led to those unmet needs.

    2. Confess the situation to a close girlfriend who is not afraid to hold her accountable daily.

    3. Sever any and all contact with the guy (in my case I also had a friend at work who I told so that she could keep an eye on our interactions until I could quit the job)

    4. Start taking a good long hard look at herself and her relationship with God.

    Having been part of an emotional affair as a non-believe and not really realizing it, then having it turn into a full blow affair after a year, I know I sound harsh. But the consequences are so severe spiritually and emotionally to your friend and her husband I can't help it. Almost 3 years later and I and my husband still suffer consequences from the affair.

    I'll be praying for your sweet friend.

  23. AnonymousJune 02, 2009

    I empathize with what she is going through. I am involved in an emotional/physical affair. My husband is verbally/mentally/emotionally abusive and as much as I know it is wrong, it's so hard not to want to be loved. As I read the other emails, I can honestly say it's hard for someone who hasn't gone through it to understand the pain and temptation to have someone who loves you come in like a white knight to "rescue" you. I know the comments are said with true Christian love, but sympathy and empathy are two different things. Anyway, I am in counseling to try and save my marriage and hope that is the final outcome.

  24. Satan slipped up on my blind side one summer. I am married and with two precious girls. I was and completely satisfied in my marriage. But some emotions started to arouse themselves when a certain gentleman, married with kids, came around. The way he looked at me, the way he hugged, the way he touched my hand....I don't know if there was something on his side. I didn't stick around to find out. I went to church with him and his family. As soon as these strange feelings came up, I ran like the fire to my Father in Heaven. I spent time and prayer in Psalms. Particularly 51. I confessed, I repented, I begged God to strengthen me and to take away the feelings. I couldn't leave the church. It was so scary. I didn't waste time chiding myself, or condemning myself, I quickly went to my LORD to fortify me. That was the only way that I was going to overcome this, I just knew I couldn't do it on my own.
    My Lord was faithful, as always, He pulled me from the edge of that slippery slope and set me on my feet solid as the rock, again. Now that same gentleman and I see and talk and hug, but those feelings no longer surface.
    I strongly encourage every woman to be alert, because the evil one roams around seeking whom he may devour and an emotional affair is not beneath him. I thought I could never be touched by that. I thought "I am so blessed by my family, so happy, so content....and on and on and on..." I wasn't being prideful, just factual. But something strange happened that summer and scared the heabiejeabies out of me. Now I am rather cautious of even spending one on one with any man for any reason for any amount of time. I am not freakish about it, just cautious and alert. I know where my strength and discernment comes from, but I don't know where the opposite party's strength comes from. Be alert and be strong in Him.

  25. Oh by the way, Rachel, great job on the Prov31 devotion! I find this area to be one that, if you haven't been there, you feel it doesn't apply to you. Almost like the elephant sitting in the pew. Thank for your boldness in addressing what I think is a sensitive and ignored subject.

  26. AnonymousJune 02, 2009

    It takes all the power and strength of the Holy Spirit to resist the enemy when he's knocking on the doors of your mind! As Christians, filled with the Spirit of God, we generally know what is right or wrong. But sometimes we find ourselves facing the very challenges of the Bible and it is here where we find that the strength of our character is tested. I know and I fully understand where the young lady is. I too have chosen the wrong a path on this journey so my only advice to your friend is this: there is always a consequence for our actions and it is a very long and painful journey back to the place where God would want us. I would never want your friend to suffer what I suffered. By the grace of God, my marriage is stronger than it's ever been and I am far wiser. That which the enemy tried to use to destroy me, God is using for my good to bring glory and honor to the father. I am reminded that God works all things together for the good of them who are called according to His purposes. And I can tell you that the red flags were flying everywhere but I forgot to God my heart heart. THIS IS VERY IMPORTANT!!! WE MUST GUARD OUR HEARTS AT ALL TIMES!!! The enemy wants to devour every believer. During my struggle God was with me. I remember my husband taking our family on a vacation to Europe and this was long before the affair, but God saw what I could not see and the Holy Spirit spoke these words "how is it that the very thing you hate, you now find yourself privy to?" My God! It was shortly after that word that a pastor whom I adored and wanted so much to do whatever I could to see his ministry prosper, came into my life. He was aware of my prophetic gift and he was keenly aware of the power of God in my life. Tell your friend the enemy comes as "an angel of light." The devil wants to kill her! Remember we do not wrestle with flesh and blood! This is wickedness in high places. Therefore, I urge your friend to put on the full armor of God, tell her to KNOW that the Lord God almighty loves her and that she is valuable to God. I know that it's tempting but the devil is a tempter. It is all a trick! It is a trick! It is a trick! Tell her to turn around before it is too late!! I beg her to turn around! The very same words I am speaking to you, other strong christians spoke to me but by then, the enemy had my mind and so it was just a matter of time before the fall. In the end, I was left in a state far worse than when I first stood at sins door. I will be praying for your friend but in the end regardless of which road she chooses to take, God will work it out for her good if she is able to remain standing.

  27. I would advice her to stay accountable to you or someone that she can trust. This is hard to fight by yourself because of the emotional pull and the feeling of pleasure involved. I would tell her that she needs to be open with you or whoever she chooses. Have her give you permission to ask periodically how she is doing.

    I don't think that as many would fall into this trap if the body of Christ was put into action to help prevent it. It is hard to stand against this kind of temptation alone. She needs someone to help her fight her enemy.

    "If one can put a thousand to flight, two ten thousand."

    If this were my friend, I would commit her to prayer, I would be checking on her (in a right spirit), and I would encourage her to pray for her husband, asking the Lord to stir those romantic feelings up for him and him only.

    I have had some experience with this one. Temptations are sweet, but they can be devastating when we fall into them.

    I will pray for your friend.

    Blessings, Rachel!
    Thank you for addressing this.


  28. AnonymousJune 02, 2009

    My old boyfriend recently contacted me and confessed that he regrets that we ever split up. I have been married 25 years. My husband had an affair several years ago but we stayed together. My old boyfriend's wife also cheated. Neither of us truly trust our current spouses. He says that we must do the right thing and stay with our spouses, but I am having very strong feelings for him. He has all the qualities that I wish my husband possessed. I want to do the right thing but I also don't want to give up this friendship.......

  29. Betty KramerJune 02, 2009

    Hello Women Out There,
    I have great news for you. Your husband can be your lover. Take time to date again, write love notes let him know your needs. There are many weekend workshops to attend that give you tools to reconnect on an intimate level. Maintain your marriage by investing time together. Denny & I have 7 children and have been married for almost 30 years now and we still feel like newly weds when we make time to grow our marriage. Each year we go away to a B&B for our anniversary. On one of those get aways we read in the B&B journal from former visitors "We came here to discuss how we were going to divorce,visitation for the children, how to divide our belongs. What we discovered after three days was that we didn't need a divorce we just needed time together." Since that day we gift our married children with time away and watch our grandchildren every year while they go away together. We love the time we have with our grandchildren but more importantly we love knowing that their parents are investing in their marriage and still keep their coupleness a priority. Your children will do what you do as you show them ways to maintain their coupleness.

    There are many Christian weekend experiences: Marriage encounter, Christian Marriage Ministry, A Weekend to Remember, Dynamic Marriage and Gary Smalley has an intense healing ministry for marriages, a seminar held in Branson, Mo. You will find any of these more uniting and powerful than a trip around the world together. You will reconnect on a level you only dreamt could be possible. Denny & I attend an event a year and we see miracles happen on these weekends. People come in seperate cars and leave reunited, healed and ready to serve the Lord using their past to help others. We have served on the board of Christian Marriage Ministry for years and know first hand what God can do, He is the great counselor and uses other couples at these events to speak life into relationships.

    Skip the gifts next anniversary and sign-up for a marriage growth weekend. Plan a vacation following the weekend, you will find yourself on your second honey moon! You will be blessed!

    Why is it that we know to maintain every area in our life, our homes, lawns, cars, retirement accounts, nails, hair, fitness yet we fail to invest and maintain our marriages just thinking it should thrive even though we invest little time in maintaining our togetherness.

    God Bless All of You,
    Betty Kramer

  30. AnonymousJune 02, 2009

    When all is said and done the devil is the father of all lies and as Christian ladies we know his motives. Sin would not be so enticing if it was not so sweet. Run while you can gal. It sticks to you like a leech. It leaves you with a bitter taste in your mouth. Learn from my experience, been there done that. My encouragement to you is that - God is so loving towards His children. He's a God of second chances for those of us who have walked this path before. I'm now making baby steps towards recovery through the ministry of www.settingcaptivesfree.com. Gals feel free to visit this website. We are all praying for your victory.

  31. HI Rachel, I read your devotion from today and popped over to your blog.

    I can't think of anything more to add to the advice you and the others have given. But I wanted to touch on one thing. Last fall, I created a Facebook account. I was so excited to be back in touch with friends from my past...high school, college, other places we've lived. Then, BANG. Doors began to open that I had locked shut many years ago and those feelings bubbled over again. In my case, they were hurt feelings. I realized very quickly how rekindling relationships from the past can be so dangerous. My dh and I kinda made some ground rules about our Facebook contacts...just to protect ourselves and our relationship. Keeping it out in the open in the light. That's key. Thank you for your devotion today.


  32. AnonymousJune 02, 2009

    I have been in this situation, however I am married also. Its so nice to play with fire because you don't really realize what you are doing until everything just starts to tumble over.

    Whenever there is any type of affair someone will always get hurt. Weather it be all parties, or just one. Its easy to get caught up in an emotional and/or physical affair when you let your gaurd down.

    I would say RUN!!! its not a very fun time, although it might seem like it at the moment, just like Rachel said, feelings are just moments.

  33. AnonymousJune 02, 2009

    I know EXACTLY what your friend is going through because it happened to me. I am a single mom (divorced) and since my divorce (2 years) I've lost 90 pounds and people were always commenting on good I looked - I exercised in the gym 5 days a week, walk, etc. and I starting feeling better about myself. There was a man (married) at the gym who also goes to my church who commented on wanting to "work out" together. He was not wearing a ring so I assumed he was not married (my mistake). He got my cell phone number and started to call me. I found out very quickly he was married and told him we could just be friends. However, he said things to me that made me feel good and made me feel wanted and attractive - feelings I had not felt in a very long time. Long story short, he is in a loveless marriage - of 13 years and calls his wife his "roommate". This is his 3rd marriage. He told me that he can't leave because he has too much invested in it - money wise that is - with equity in their home, money in the bank, land they both owned and inheritance from their parents. I thought however, that I could make him see what he was missing in life - having someone who loved him and cared for him, and that the materialistic stuff doesn't matter. We carried on a phone relationship and seeing each other in the gym for about 3 months. One weekend we crossed the line and I met him in a hotel room - however, before anything could really happen I came to my senses and couldn't go through with it. After that he stopped calling me or returing my phone calls. He told me that he wasn't willing to take the risk to lose everything over me - he wasn't sure I was what he wanted. I was crushed - it hurt so bad - those long days afterwards of longing for his call - knowing at certain times of the day and weekends he would call and the phone remained silent. I turned to a dear friend and she helped me through it and I read my Bible and my K-Love devotional every day - so many things spoke to me and made me understand why this ended and could not work out. Over the last several months I run into him occasionally at the gym - he's stopped coming at the time I'm usually there, and he's also stopped coming to church to avoid me. He did tell me once - back in Feb that he still thinks of me and wants to kiss me again. That brought up some old feelings, but I did not act on them and walked away. I feel sorry for him to be where he is in his marriage and not having God in his life. I know that God has plans for me and that if there is someone out there for me that He will send him to me. I know that God had me go through this for a reason, to make my faith stronger and to show that I do not need anyone to define who I am as a person, that I am created and loved by God and that is all I need to survive. I hope your friend can realize the beautiful person she is without having a man tell her she is. She is a child of God and that should be enough for all of us to live on. God Bless you and your friend.

  34. AnonymousJune 02, 2009

    Debbie is so right! RUN and then RUN some more! I am on the opposite side of an emotional affair. I am the wife. My husband and I have decided to separate because he cannot give this woman up. It is not currently physical and I don't believe it ever will be. She has used him and will continue to use him until he has absolutely nothing! He cannot see it! He has been the hero for her over the past 6 months.

    My advice to this woman is to change your phone number, block his instant messaging and emails. Seek counseling! Get out of this relationship!! He entered into a covenant relationship before God with his wife. Don't be the reason he breaks it!

    My prayer for this woman is that she would be convicted by the Holy Spirit. That she would get into the Word and realize that this relationship has allowed the devil to get a foothold in both of their lives. It has to stop!

    Everyone gets hurt in these relationships - most importantly the children who are innocent stakeholders in all of this!

    Take it from the wife that's left behind - it is a painful experience!

  35. AnonymousJune 02, 2009

    My advice would be like all the others - flee the temptation! A man who will cheat on his wife will cheat on her and will not give her the love and respect she deserves. I have been married for 40 years to a man who has a sexual addiction and has had many affairs, both physical and emotional. For the last 6 years he has had an emotional affair with a woman in our church and had phone sex with another woman in our church. When I finally confront him, he quits, is very remorseful and declares his love for me and our marriage. But he refuses to admit he has a problem or seek professional help. I love the Lord and I am trying to stand on my commitment, but I long to feel loved and wanted. I long for a true "soul mate" who will love only me. Because I am still married, that person has to be Jesus - the perfect soul mate and lover of my soul. Many years ago in the wake of my husband's affairs, I gave in to the temptation to turn to another man who was also married. It was a big mistake that I will always regret. I thank God for his forgiveness and restoration and for giving me the strength to stay in my marriage until He gives me permission to leave.

  36. AnonymousJune 02, 2009

    I find myself at this very point in my life with a close friend of over 20 yrs....why is it that i can't accept/believe that Jesus is all i need as a single woman??

  37. Valerie RogersJune 02, 2009

    THe same thing happened to me a few years ago, & if it hadn't have been for a very strong woman of God in my life, I would've made a huge mistake...possibly risking my relationship with the Lord. He said all of the things that he knew I wanted to hear and so I found myself calling him more & more, even started envisioning us together as a couple again. But I thank God for my pastor! She recognized that this was a trap set by the enemy to get me out of God's will, so she warned me. Ending that relationship was one of the hardest things that I've ever had to do, but it was worth it. Your friend has got to ask herself, "Is this relationship worth risking my relationship with God?"
    It all boils down to how she values her relatinship with God.

  38. AnonymousJune 02, 2009

    Imerse herself in the Lord. This is what I should have done. I didn't had an emotional affar, but my husband did and to this day will deny anything else happened even though I saw lipstick and makeup on his shirt, he'd come home late and talk/txt her in the middle of the night while I was in the other room nursing our newborn son. This was almost 4 yrs ago and alhough I "think" i forgave him and I really try to trust him. BUT I bring it up every time he tells me I'm wrong for doing something. I love him so much and even though I do, I filed for divorce and it was final last week. I've been wondering if I made the wrong choice, especially b/c I'm a believer and he's not. I've been spending so much time at church w/ my two kids and getting to know the Lore more, so NOW I know I should have handled it differently. He didn't really let me go to church so I know I couldn't have practiced what I've now been learning at the time of our separation. He was very controlling and disrespectful but I wonder if I would have prayed more, he would have changed. The months leading to our divorce, he appeard very distracted (I can tell the signs now that I missed the first time around) and he would please himself (you know what I mean) even though I was laying next to him. I know his lust for other women disconnected him from me and I just couldn't live like that anymore. Anyway, Sorry I know this is about your friend, but I guess I needed to get this out. Thanks for offering this blog.

  39. AnonymousJune 02, 2009

    I all to well know on some level of what she is going through. However at the time I did, I didn't have the Lord in my life.

    Pray! Have a daily conversation with the Lord. Only he will get her through these times.

    Mine actually did turn in to a situation where I was leaving my husband. There were other issues however, but this was the one that broke the camals back, and caused me to file.

    What was so strange about all of this and this other person is that I'm back to the Lord. Which in all saved my marriage. In 11 days i will celebrate my 5 yr anniversary with my husband, and will renew our vows in church.

    The pain from an affair either side is painful.Run like your pants are on fire and wont go out till you are so far away there is only you and the Lord where ever you stand. I can't stress enough the pain that this causes. Be it being single or marriage. The guilt is the worst.

  40. AnonymousJune 02, 2009

    Three years into my marriage,I discovered that my husband had been in an affair for several months with one of his coworkers. He had broken it off with her, and sought revenge by telling me. I could fill pages with what I dealt with, but simply said, my world crashed.
    I spent weeks in anguish and in prayer. God wrapped me in His arms, held me up, and walked me through a journey of forgiveness. Since that time my husband accepted Christ and our marriage thrived. We have now been married for 30 years, and we are happier than ever!
    However, after all that time, the pain is still there. I forgave, but I will never forget. I don't dwell on it, but the pain visits me when I'm feeling low. I very rarely think about the sexual aspects of his infidelity--I picture all those times I remember seeing them together! When I should have been suspicious! I remember scenes as though they were from a movie. In other words, his emotional affair seems to have wounded me far deeper than the sexual affair.
    The pleasure of sex is fleeting. The pleasure of a deep friendship isn't---it's greater, and lasting. Friendship is comprised of intimacy, affection, compatibility. It's close, familiar, understanding, comfortable. The emotional aspect of my husband's affair ended up causing more damage than the sexual betrayal.
    Yes, your emotional affair might lead to a sexual affair. But even if it doesn't, you are betraying your husband who deserves every ounce of your being. And the wife of the other man is an innocent victim, as well. Think. Your actions will affect four lives -- more, if children are involved. Is this the person you are?
    Finally, how would you feel if it was your husband who had an emotional affair? "In everything do to others as you would have them do to you; for this is the law and the prophets."

  41. I think some of the posters are a little confused... Rachel said her friend is NOT married... it is the man she was talking to who is married. Nevertheless, I think most of the advice given is still applicable. For instance, "run" is very good advice in this situation. Also, I believe someone said draw close to God. Pray, study God's word, read what he has to say about the situation.
    Also, remember that God never intended for any man to fulfill all a woman' needs, they are only human after all. He intended for Him to be the one to do that...
    when we let him do so, we won't need anything else.

  42. Carrie in TXJune 02, 2009

    I applaud your friend for coming to you and asking for your help and advice in her situation.

    Emotional affairs are so destructive. It is the enemy at it's worst. I believe in the covenant of marriage and everything it stands for. What she needs to understand is that even though he is filling needs for her that have not been filled in a long time he has issues that he needs to deal with. He is trying to fill a void in his life and will never be able to truly love anyone until he can love himself. And I assure you he won't be able to love himself until he truly trusts the Lord and works on his relationship with Him.

    I am the wife of a man that is in the midst of an emotional affair turned physical. I wish the other woman had a conscience like your friend. She claims that God brought them together but I assure her that in their time of weakness they have been overcome by the temptations of the devil and there is nothing Godly about what they are doing.

    Only time will tell what will become of my marriage. We have filed for divorce but I don't want it. I pray every day that the Lord will open my husband's eyes and heart and that he begins to have a new relationship with Him as his Savior. I hope someday he realizes the devastation he has caused for me and my 2 amazing daughters. If not, then I know that through prayer and the support of friends that my girls and I will survive with God's grace and mercy.

  43. AnonymousJune 02, 2009

    Hi there. I suppose by now this lady has dealt with this problem to some extent with all the good advice that's been coming but I would still like to comment. I find myself in a similar situation - in an emotional and even somewhat physical affair with a married man but being single myself. It started off innocently - in fact it took me a long time to even admit it was an affair - she's done well to identify it early enough. I felt like I was reciprocating 'niceness' but we ended up getting too close. It's become difficult to resolve my issue but I'm going to - I have to for my own peace of mind. I would like to advise her to drop it right away because the longer she stays on, the more complicated it will be come and the more difficult it is going to be for her to get away. And while she may get an emotional 'high' she will get the 'lows' as well. Seeing that she is a Christian she is likely to face a lot of internal conflict and it's likely to affect her self image and you can only think how is it going to be if the 'right' person comes along while she's hooked on to this person? Then comes the shame, even if you've not been caught; and is this the role God wants a you to play in that person's life and marriage? And it goes on and on. From the little I've learnt, as much as you feel good, you come to the realization that you can't get the best of the person and can't give the best to the relationship and in the longrun you become more and more frustrated but feel less and less able to let go. I would plead with her to let go now before it becomes worse. It may feel good right now, all those needs being filled in for but it's not worth it. Think about it - this man can only fill these needs part way. God wants more for her than this and she deserves more than this. I believe God can help her (and me!) and she should take courage in that and move.

  44. I am at work and have had to read a comment here and there and I finally am done reading the comments and I must say that I need to hear every single thing you ladies have said. I am single Christian woman and have been in an adulterous affair with a married man for 5 years. I had backslidden and living in the world until I started going back to church after over 2 years of the affair. Then God started convicting me and I broke up with him at least 3 times and even told him to work out with his wife that God hates divorce... but my flesh was extremely weak and I ended up right back with him the next day/week. When I met him, I was living with my children's father although we weren't married (on paper, although by God's standards we were), so our relationship became what we were NOT getting at home and we found it in each other. Yeah, we used the terms "soul mates" with each other because we just 'clicked' in so many ways on every level imaginable. But then me and the kids father mutually agreed it was best that we separate, then my sister got married and those feelings of me being "single" and wanting to have my own marriage (I'm 37 years old) started coming on strong and yeah he knew I was ready for the next step and knew he needed to take care of his marriage so he could be with me. But the bomb dropped when she found out more than she ever wanted to about us and as a last step before signing divorce papers, they decided to go to marriage counseling. And I tried to hold on, because I had really high hopes about our future, but I was left hanging out on the limb wondering and never getting any answers so I ended it. Cut off communication altogether with him. Facebook, Myspace, Yahoo, I deleted them all or took him from my friend/email lists. Blogger, I just don't follow his anymore and he doesn't follow mine. I can look back now and see all the deception satan used, all the hopes and promises he lied to me about... I went through despair, hurt, rage... I mean the emotions I went through was horrible. I had to leave work several days because I just could not function. Satan had me so bound up by this man and "my love" for him that I could see clearly.

    I am single and have finally, after 37 years, realized that I have to let God love me first. There are many many days that I think about him, want to see him, want him to love me again, but that's when I get in my car and YELL at satan that he will not have my heart, he will not have my soul and he will NOT HAVE MY LIFE! And remember satan cannot hear your thoughts, you have to verbally talk to him. And then thank God for loving you, and rescuing you out of that pit. I asked many times for God to rescue me, get me out of the situation. And He did... just not the way I wanted Him to!

  45. I don't think there is any more advice I can give that hasn't already been given. So, as I often do, I'd like to speak to those of you who do understand what Rachel's friend is going through because you have been there yourself. And to those of you who shared that you are involved in an affair of some sort.

    First, thank you for sharing. You are stronger than you know. I'm sure for some this was your first time sharing that. I'm so proud of you and now I'd like to encourage you to not stop with just a confession. Invest in the resources Rachel recommended. They are superb!!! I work in the Proverbs 31 office. I take phone calls and receive prayer requests every single day from women just like you. It breaks my heart because I know they (you) are lonely and hurting. Yes you deserve love. You deserved attention. Your needs are important and you should be valued. Unfortunately people, husbands, boyfriends, our dreams, our thoughts about what true love feels like...etc, it often doesn't measure up to what we dreamed and hoped it would.

    If you've strayed, you are probably struggling with your actions right now. Struggling with what feels right and what you know is right. I'm sure you know this, but God is truly the only one who can meet those needs. Also make it your prayer that God would be ENOUGH for you. Psalm 32:1-5 speaks of forgiveness, it's yours free you know. Jesus made sure of that. And know that no matter what God loves you tremendously and hurts as bad as you do. He also understands. Do not continue to beat yourself up. Read some of the advice on here for future strength and encouragement and get in the Word of God. You can do it!

    In a few weeks I'll have 2 devotions running titled "The Love Dare" (parts 1 and 2), it's not scheduled yet. Following those devotions I will be going through the 40 days of the Love Dare on my blog. I'd love to have you join me.

    Anyone needing prayer on this, please send in a prayer request http://www.proverbs31.org/prayer/submitAPrayer.php or call our office 877-731-4663. I am extension 200 and my name is Melissa Taylor.

    Rachel, thanks for writing this. I love the touch topics that get us talking and being real!!!

  46. AnonymousJune 02, 2009

    Because she is single, I know it's probably harder to look at the situation and feel great amounts of guilt...she's not hurting someone like her own husband or child at this point. But...she is hurting another's wife and children without them knowing it. I'm reminded that Jesus called us to love our neighbors as we love our own self. In this situation, her neighbor is this man, his wife, his children, etc. and would just like her to keep that in mind. In order to honor her Lord, she needs to honor these people...whether or not she has even met his wife and childrn they need to be loved, honored, and respected the way she would want to be.

  47. I also wanted to say that I am currently working on my "confession" because we "overcome by the word of our testimony" and when I'm done, I will post it on here as a comment or you could just check my blog and see if it's posted yet. I hope to have it finished in the next couple of days. Satan wants us to hide these dirty little secrets so women who are struggling... both single and married... will stay trapped. But we have to help them overcome.

    Also, I ordered and read the book "Confessions of an Adulterous Christian Woman" in one weekend and it helped me tremendously with this. I hope you all will order and read it too. Thank you Rachel and P31 Team for being used by God!

  48. AnonymousJune 02, 2009

    My marriage has been damaged and my heart has been devastated because my CHRISTIAN friend pursued and engaged in an affair with my husband. It BEGAN only as an emotional affair. When confronted them, they stopped for a while then resumed and intensified into full-blown adultery. And now, because neither of them RAN away and neither of them called on the power of the Holy Spirit for help, two marriages are wounded... four adults and six children, whose lives are forever altered. Our marrriage will be renewed by God who makes all things new, but it is FOREVER changed. Want to read about the pain it causes? Check my blog: unrulydays.blogspot.com

    So my advice:
    THINK about all of the damage you will cause, PRAY like you've never prayed before, and RUN away from this temptation and never, ever look back. For yourself and for everyone else who might be affected by your actions.

  49. AnonymousJune 02, 2009

    God will never bring a relationship into your life that is wrong for you to participate in. Period. God would not bring a person who is already married to fulfill a lack of intimacy. The Deceiver is the one who brings those into your life. When I hear a woman say, "I believe it is God's will that this person came into my life.", I know for a fact that it is not true. God does not operate contrary to His own character. An emotional affair is as deadly as the physical affair. A woman gives her heart first before she gives her body to a man and we are told to "guard your heart for out of it are the issues of life..." God knows how a woman's heart works. I pray for strength and wisdom for this friend and pray that the man will be restored to his own wife.

  50. AnonymousJune 02, 2009

    I feel like I have to share this because this is exactly what I'm going through at this very moment. I am a married woman with a child, and I was involved in an emotional affair for years. It was actually with a past love before my husband. We innocently (at first) reconnected and soon feelings resurfaced and we got deeply involved. What was an emotional affair ended up becoming a physical affair. I seriously considered leaving my husband to be with this past love because he just made me feel like I could do anything and be anyone. This has done irreversible damage to my family, but my husband has decided to stick by side and forgive me. It is very hard to turn away from this, but I know that it is the right thing to do and God's way for me to be true to my husband. I had to make the first move by cutting off all contact (changing my number, email address, canceling Myspace and facebook accounts)any way that we had communicated. This person had become a soul tie to me. He started becoming the first person I thought of when I woke up and the last person I thought of when I went to sleep. My advice to your friend is that you should cut it off immediately or it will turn into a deep, physical affair that you will be so entangled in that you won't know how to break away. Trust me from experience that if God would have wanted you to be with that person you would have been. At my lowest point I was so depressed and broken that the only thing I could do is look up and call out to God to break this tie. I pray that your friend makes the right decision and knows when something is the work of devil.

  51. AnonymousJune 03, 2009

    This is so real for me right now. I lost my job over a year and half ago and I've been dealing with so many feelings of rejection and hurt. My husband has been anything but compassionate and caring about it. He has blamed me for our lack of money and inability to find another job. It has put a big riff in our relationship. I talk constantly about how lonely and uncared for I feel but get no real heart felt answers from him. God has truly been speaking to me through this devotional. I go to the gymn twice a week. There's this guy in the class that is good looking and has started paying attention to me. It's exactly as someone else has said, it feels so good to have someone pay attention to me but at the same time I have an uneasiness in my heart about it. The song, Slow Fade has come on the radio numerous times on my drive to the gymn. I have to admit that I feel like I'm starting to dress differently and act differently like I needed this feeling of acceptance from someone else besides God. If I get really honest with myself and others I'll have to admit that I've had this attraction and addiction before in my first marriage. I'm scared and afraid and I know that this is wrong. I need so desperately for God to fill this emptiness inside me. I pray that He would send a thousand angels to protect me and I will flee from this situation, I will go to another gymn class and I will tell someone else about what I'm going through.
    God is using you Rachel and that's what we all want. Satan wants to destroy us and he does whispher sweet nothings in our hearts. He truly is a liar and thief but he's not taking my marriage away again. I'm not going to fall for his lies again!

  52. AnonymousJune 03, 2009

    I have never posted before but feel like I need to tell my story. My father cheated on my mother time and time again when I was growing up. He traveled a ton and worked long hours. When I was young, I knew something was going on because there was lots of silence and angry looks shot at each other. It was clear to me that our family was not right. As I grew up, it became clear to me what was going on plus my mother was very open about what my father was doing. I became very angry with my parents for putting me through such turmoil and pain. Many of my father's mistresses were women he worked with and traveled with on business trips. I met one of them as he invited her to our house for dinner. My mother knew something was up and told my father to stay away from her. He didn't listen. She ended up killing herself because my father refused to leave my mother. We ended up moving across the country to "get away" from the situation and to "start over." My father started over alright. I hated my parents for putting me into this situation and prayed every night that God would take my father's life so that we wouldn't have to deal with his actions anymore. As an adult, now with children of my own, the decisions my parents made still make me very sad. Many dreams were shattered and relationships were broken. I have forgiven both of my parents for their actions and repaired my relationship with my dad. However, it has taken many years and lots of prayer for me to get to this place. If your friend, single or not, doesn't run away, she will be part of something that will hurt the lives of children. What starts out as innocent and fun can ruin so many lives. Run!

  53. AnonymousJune 03, 2009

    I have been struggling with an emotional affair for about 2 weeks now. I lost my husband last year and have had several men from church doing work at my house. One man in particular and I started talking and became emotionally involved. It was great to have a man think such wonderful thoughts about me and pay attention to me. He has been struggling in his marriage as well so I'm sure he feels the same way.
    Anyway, it was great to get the devotion yesterday. I felt God speaking to me to end all contact but it is so hard. This is something you don't go looking for. It just happened. I have 2 friends who I confided in and they are holding me accountable as well. That has helped me tremendously. I have not spoken to this man in 2 days and feel like I am on the right path. I pray to God that I can continue to be strong. Because it is an addiction. I agree too that this stuff happens a lot but no one talks about it. We, as sisters in Christ, need to help each other through these things.
    Thanks for all the blogs as well. They help me see that I am doing the right thing.

  54. AnonymousJune 03, 2009

    About 20 years ago my husband lost his job and we had 3 very small children. We ended up losing our house and moving several times into rentals.During this time I was attracted to a man who made overtures to me. He was a health care professional. As a pretty woman, and a christian, I knew that the powerful pull of this man was wrong. I had so much grief and no family support. I decided to tell a couple of older women in my women's Bible study. They were very honest with me. I so wanted to please the Lord. I found a christian councelor and she helped,and when we moved again I found another one. I wrote out my feelings for this man and kept the letters. It took me 3 years to let go of him in my heart. I remember feeling that the Lord was not condemning me for my feelings, but that He said if you put your hand in mine, we will walk away together.He gave me the courage to do this, and I remember it to this day. Twenty years later I still do not have the marriage of my dreams and my children are grown now. They particated in youth groups,went on missions trips,and have gotten good grades in school.God restored what the locust had eaten financially as well.I knew God felt my pain, but because I trusted Him with the outcome, I and my family, have reaped many unexpected blessings. I wish I could put my arms around all these young troubled sisters and comfort them as they allow the holy spirit to help them do the right thing.

  55. Dear "About 20 Years Ago,"


    Good shines through your story. May He shine through all of ours.

  56. Now that I know how to address the anonymous'...to about 20 years ago, what an inspiring story, thank for sharing.

  57. AnonymousJune 03, 2009

    Thank you Rachel for your devotion. I stumbled upon it, but really I believe it was God that made sure I went to this devotion! I have been in the emotional affair mode and I praise God for His love and forgiveness. It is so easy to "justify" everything from the hurtful husband neglecting me to the hurtful wife neglecting him, and I do believe God placed us to support each other just Satan took it a step further and we allowed him to. I did tell friends of my situation and got more encouragement than discouragement. We have realized that it is over and we have sought Gods forgivenesss and as someone else said it is harder though to forgive ourselves. I did learn from this lesson though about Judgment and I do understand how easy it is and why it does happen. So as Christian sisters may we share our experiences to help fellow sisters realize we have been there and we are there for them and I of all people have no right to judge others in any situation, I leave that to God and pray for all of us as we lift each other up because none of us planned to be the "other" woman or the "neglected" woman either. Either place is not pleasant in the long run.

  58. AnonymousJune 04, 2009

    So much good advice here. At 18 I was a Christian engaged and only 8 weeks from my wedding when everything came to a head. I had an "innocent freindship" with a married man. I could not see the harm in it. When the affair came to light my fiancee and both our families were devastated. It was many months before my fiancee finally accepted that we would not get back together, I felt more and more guilty with every box of chocolates and bunch of flowers that he sent me. Then there were my lovers wife who had a breakdown and the effects it had on children aged 7, 5 and 3. 25 years on and the youngest is still having emotional problems as a result. We married as soon as his divorce was finalised and now have a good strong Christian marriage. Ours was one of the rare relationships that work out, dont think it was a totally happy ending. As I say it was 25 years ago and we both still suffer greatly from a sense of guilt about all the things that happened. Although there many lovely thoughts and feelings going on when you have an affair whether emotional or physical it is also very confusing upsetting and painfull. The secrecy guilt and everything else takes its toll and even though I wanted this relationship I had a breakdown because I could not cope with all the contrasts of emotions and congfusion going on. also s a result of this relationship I will always be childless. (a story too long to share here)I still sometimes cry myself to sleep when I remember and all the pain of those times comes back. PLEASE DO NOT DO IT THERE IS NO HAPPY EVER AFTER HOWEVER HAPPY THE RELATIONSHIP IS THE PAST CAN ALWAYS COME BACK TO CAUSE PAIN LIFE WILL NEVER BE THE SAME AGAIN. Have I got a good Christian marriage yes if I had my time again I would probably not have married my first fiance but I WOULD STILL RUN AWAY FROM HAVING A RELATIONSHIP LIKE THIS.


  59. AnonymousJune 04, 2009

    I opened up the devotional and started reading. If I could tell Rachel's friend one thing is to STOP turn around and RUN. My husband had an affair and I found out today he had or is in a second affair. He blames me for him having these affairs and I know I dont always meet his needs plus he has turned his back on God. I am preganant with our first child. He does not know that I know of his second affair but oh how I wish everything would change. As I write this my tears are streaming of the hurt, betrayal I feel. I had forgiven him for the first one that happened but do not know where to run now. I know God knows what I feel but I feel so alone. Please dont keep going in your relationship with this man! You will hurt yourself, him and definately his wife! I ask God to plz give you the strenght to run. The Lord will help you if only you ask him too.
    Plz everyone pray for Rachel's friend and for the man's wife. I ask to plz pray for my husband to change and for God to pour out his healing on our marriage!

  60. AnonymousJune 04, 2009

    i rachel, i never been in this situation but we've all had somthing to overcome before.i think at first it may have started out as innocent but as time went on you seem wise enough to know that it was turning into somthing else and before you got to the point where it seems imposible to turn around you were doing it because you wanted to. the bible said some things come through fasting and praying it's not enough to read the scripture i beleive you can break every yoke and pull down that strong hold by fasting.

    be bless and stay encourage

  61. AnonymousJune 06, 2009

    It's Another Anonymous here.
    What a surprise to accidently run across this topic--through Tonya-and Rise of the Home.
    Sad to say, I have had experience with this topic.
    I am almost 35 years married-- a Christian. We married at 18. The infatuation I felt for him was waning, but I was carrying his child. I felt like we were drifting apart. I became a Christian early on in my marriage. Having lost whatever "loving" feeling I had for him, I was advised to love him in a purposeful way, I Cor. 13. The fact that he continued to get high and later progressed to alcoholism didn't help our marriage any. It was not until years later when I accidently fell in love with a man who had become my best friend that I understood what being in love was and how my husband really should have been loving me all of those years.
    My friendship/"emotional affair", which also had physical "sparks" almost caused me to go over the edge. I was loyal! I wanted him to be OK. Turning away from this relationship has been the most difficult thing I have ever had to do in my life. The PAIN and ANGUISH have been extremely difficult to get over, too.
    I will never be the same. I thank God that he forgave me for not keeping proper boundaries. I could have saved myself (and whoever else was affected) MUCH TORMENT if I had made the choice early on:
    RUN---in the OPPOSITE direction---as quickly as possible and don't look back. I could have trusted God to work out the details, esp. regarding my sense of loyalty to him.
    I am still not completely extricated from this relationship. It has been a work in progress, and by the grace of God, it will continue to progress until I am right where I should be.
    I would say: as women, we are worthy of love.
    We are worthy of total acknowledgement, i.e., "owning".
    And for me, most importantly, GOD is the one who sets the rules.
    If a relationship is going to cause you to lose your soul, as PAINFUL as it is, with God's help, you need to let it go.
    Sadly, we may never experience being "in love" in this lifetime. (I know for my alcoholic, I am too much of a burden for him to keep the balancing act of me and booze going.) Many people are not in love. I will not die. By the grace of God I will see better days, and do see better days already.
    I EMPATHIZE with anyone in this painful situation.
    I appreciate you bringing up this topic.
    Even in the church where we assemble, and even with my friend's confession of "coveting another man's wife" and requesting accountability, and the church family being "loving", there has not been any follow up, like the kind of follow up some ladies mentioned on this blog.
    I think we need to be able to address and help people who are caught in Satan's snares.
    Sorry so long, but this is my abbreviated 7 year story. See how long these things can go when you don't RUN NOW. I like the advice above, if you can't run to your husband, which I tried, run to GOD.

  62. To Anonymous that said "started out as innocent but as time went on you seem wise enough to know that it was turning into somthing else and before you got to the point where it seems imposible to turn around you were doing it because you wanted to". You are right on point with that. I for one was that person. Started off innocent, ended up really deep... and like the Anonymous commenter above mine, I had gotten to that point one Saturday where I felt like I actually lost my soul, and I KNEW in that instant that I was at the bottom of the pit and had to turn to God to get me out of it. This man wasn't going to get me out of... he could NOT be my savior. Only Jesus Christ could be and IS my Savior. Like you, I am still not extricated from this relationship... there are still bonds and heart strings and soul ties still there, and I ask God every single day to help me overcome. And the accountability... yeah, I need it desperately and don't have it. I'd love for you (Anonymous on Jne 5, 2009) to contact me either on my blog (www.tonyarenee1972.blogspot.com) or by email (tonyarenee1972@yahoo.com). In fact any of you can contact me. We need support and accountability.

  63. AnonymousJune 10, 2009

    My story is a long one. I will try to get right to the point. I live with a man that is Bisexual. We met on the internet at a time when we were both going through tough times. He had just lost his wife to Kidney failure. She was an alcoholic. Me, I had made the final split from my husband who was and still is an alcoholic. So you see we had that in common, among other things. We have an open relationship where we are both free to see others, male or female. And yes, we care about each other very much, but have different sexual desires. I am straight. And yes, I have a very special male friend that I see from time to time. This has been going on for over three years now. And yes, I feel kind of weird by living with one man, and spending time with another. But the one I live with does not show me the attention that I desire to be shown. Having two relationships is tough at times, but I keep doing it because the man I live with is not showing me the physical attention.

  64. AnonymousJune 10, 2009

    I am currently deep in this struggle. I read and hear "run"...but it's so hard. And I don't know why. I do know better. I would have thought I knew better than most in fact. I fight this every single day. I want to be done....but the addiction has such a hold.

  65. AnonymousJune 10, 2009

    It is "Another Anonymous" here:
    Dear June 10 Anonymous~

    I am currently deep in this struggle. I read and hear "run"...but it's so hard. YES!IT IS! And I don't know why. DON"T WORRY, YOU DON'T HAVE TO KNOW WHY. I do know better. THANK GOD FOR CONCIENCES, ANYWAY! I would have thought I knew better than most in fact. I HEAR YA! I fight this every single day. YOU CAN DO IT! I want to be done..IT IS A CHOICE..but the addiction has such a hold. YES, IT DOES. I UNDERSTAND COMPLETELY!

    I can only tell you, YES, I know how difficult it is and you don't have to know WHY. It is what it is! I actually have been turning away from my relationship for going on 7 years. My assessment of myself concurs with your own: "I would have thought I knew better than most in fact."
    Do you have counseling available?
    Do you have a friend that can stand by you?
    I would even suggest using "Flylady.com" because she helps people to focus on their own lives. You need a lot of support. You need to---horrible and painful as it sounds, and it is-----create YOUR own life. You can do it! It will be difficult--- perhaps the MOST difficult thing that you have ever done, but if you believe you are involved in something that you should not be involved in, then you must be true to yourself and get out. If (and I mean without making excuses) you really can't make the immediate cut, then you need to take thoughtful planned steps to get out. Delaying is not going to make it any easier. Remember- passion aside, true love wants what is best for the beloved. (I cor. 13) A beloved CANNOT be receiving the best when involved in a wrong relationship. At that point one must question one's TRUE love for the other person. There will be brighter days coming. AA
    I say I am Another Anonymous, but I know that there are no secrets before my God and I could NEVER have made it thus far without His mercy.

  66. Friends, this is the body of Christ being the body of Christ right here... confessing to one another, supporting one another, and encouraging one another in truth and godliness.

    I have prayed for each you as you've posted here. When tonight's post came in saying she coulding imagine how to FLEE because she felt addicted, I prayed for her. And I prayed for God to send someone who's been right where she's at to post and encourage her - and He did, within the hour.

    Beautiful! Let's keep walking together towards Truth and Light - that's where freedom and peace are.

  67. AnonymousJune 12, 2009

    I was the June 10th writer (currently deep in the struggle) that someone beautifully responded to. I have read that comment over and over again. I want it embedded into my mind. I have chosen to break all ties today. I have tried this more than once, so please keep me in your prayers. I long for freedom from this. It is consuming to me. It has gotten to the point of so many lies and they some so easy now. This is not who I am. I NEED this time around to really be the end. I would welcome suggestions as to how to handle that my job requires me to be on the computer all day. Thank you for your love.

  68. AnonymousJune 12, 2009

    I am still the Anonymous that posted above today...I did it! I broke all ties. Removed the Facebook account, deleted my email account and said goodbye. Continue to pray for me. Thank you.

  69. Way to go June 10 Anonymous! Stay strong in Christ. You are in my prayers!

  70. Praising God for the breakthrough, June 10 Anonymous!! I'm so proud of you!

    I agree with the advice to start focusing on building YOUR life. I also encourage you to get out your Bible and look up verses about God's love for you, and His willingness to forgive and redeem you to bear His beautiful image.

    Way to go! Life change is what it's all about.

    Continuing to pray ~ Rachel

  71. AnonymousJune 14, 2009

    This is Another Anonymous, AA:
    Glory to God for your decision. If there is one thing God gives us it is the ability to make choices~ ~ ~ 2 Tim 1:7.
    Make a firm commitment that when you are at work, or near a computer, that TODAY, by God's grace, you will NOT look up or make contact with him. THAT WOULD BE TO GO BACK ON THE MERRY GO ROUND OF INSANITY AGAIN. Put a sticky note on your computer. Call someone that you are able to or even write to us and let us know that you are fighting a desire for contact. I understand very well the downfall that computer communication can be. Don't let it sideline you from your hard fought choice. Get a new e-mail buddy if you need. I know that could have helped me, BIG TIME! I mean, you MUST make a plan for this realistically, dangerous angle.
    This lack of contact with him is a loving inaction, loving yourself, loving him, and loving God.
    In addition, you can fortify yourself with information about separating. These would be rational thoughts that you use when you are struggling with your emotions to yield to your will. It may even begin with what you said: I am consumed, I am lying, I have become someone who I am not, and I KNOW this needs to end. The opposite is: Jesus Christ has set me free, I am honest again, I am growing to be the person God made me to be, Thank God, He has helped me to make a decision that I have needed to make for a long time.
    Googling the topic- "How to break up without breaking up" or if you dare to read this and you need to, you can view the postings on Willard Harley Jr.'s Marrige Builders site.
    Whatever works. God is definitely here to give you strength every step of the way.
    Also know that the more minutes, hours, days, you put behind you the stronger you will become in your determination to keep on keeping on.
    My friend (which is what my relationship really was about, not a lover status, yet deep, really deep intimacy) recently asked me to walk with him (which is what our "activity" consisted of). He's asked for accountability. I said, tell your wife first (she doesn't love him) then I'll walk with you. Ohhhhh.....Second thoughts! Hmm. I see! But, Praise God! I'm fine with that. It seems like God is helping us both move forward in the directions we need to go.
    God bless you, dear. May we meet in eternity. "AA"

  72. AnonymousJune 14, 2009

    I am amazed at what God is doing here! I keep coming back only to find women either confessing to or encouraging each other. I myself have found encouragement and the strength to want to do what's right. Yes, I'm facing the same situation many of you are in. In fact, I'm the one Rachel originally posted about on her blog and in her 'Soul Mates' devotion. And I can't stress enough how all of this is just GOD! Little did I know that when I reached out to Rachel it was going to open the door for so many other women to reach out, confess and find healing. I thought this situation was unique only to me. I would never have guessed that there are so many others going through the same thing.

    I want you all to know that since Rachel originally posted this on her blog that I've not had any contact with the guy and, thankfully, he hasn't tried to reach me. I so want to do the right thing. I hate myself for even thinking of going down this road, especially knowing what I know. I'm not a new Christian. And though I'm single, I know what God says about marriage and how sacred it is. I cringe when I think that I could've been the reason a family would've been torn apart. But God is merciful and He sends just what (and who) we need at just the right time.

    I must confess that I still struggle with thoughts of the guy. I keep wanting to just think of what he might be doing at any given moment or just wonder how he's doing (he's had health issues). But I catch myself most times and ask God to forgive me and help me. Then there are days when I just want to cry and I'm not even sure why. But I turn my thoughts to the Lord and realize that He wants to continue the healing that He's started. I just need to let Him.

    Again, I can't get over what's been happening on this blog, but it just goes to show how much the Lord loves each and everyone of us. I normally would never have reached out to Rachel (or anyone else for that matter), except that the Lord brought me to a point where I could not take it anymore. I so needed to reach out...and it's led to all this.

    Ladies, Jesus loves us so much. No one can ever meet every single one of our needs. In fact, I believe the Lord created us with a specific void in our lives that can only be filled by Him so that we can seek Him out. The choice is ours...and it is a choice. I choose to let the Lord love me as only He can and I want it to reflect in everything I do.

    I'll keep praying for all of you who've posted and I ask that you continue to pray for me as well. You have no idea what a huge deal this is for me to be writing all this -- confessing and especially reaching out to others. But I've been going back and forth with this for days and I feel this is what the Lord wants me to do.

    To June 10 Anonymous, I'm there with you. Know that I'm praying for you. I wish I could just give you a big hug because I know what you're going through. I can even barely see what I'm typing right now because I'm in tears. God's love is sooooo amazing and it's evident here in all these posts. We're here for you.

    Thank you all for your advice, encouragement and, more importantly, your prayers. I so appreciate them. And Rachel, thank you for following the Lord's leading. We are so blessed to have a sister like you. :)

    God bless you all, my sisters!

  73. AnonymousJune 15, 2009

    Hi. This is "June 10 Anonymous".... I am overwhelmed with the love and prayers. I know for certain that God has orchestrated these interactions. God is using your prayers and words to continue to encourage me, help me to focus, and give me new ways to think and break old ways. Yesterday I did create a new email account and sent him a note that said "hi - my weekend has been peaceful. how are you?" Then, outloud to myself, I said..."what am I doing". I immediately cancelled the account (yet again), spoke some words of truth to myself, asked God to forgive me and to re-focus my mind.

    AA - I"ve taken your advice to try Flylady and to focus on MY life. Focusing on my life almost seems foreign to me, but those words have really struck a cord. I have not had MY life for a long time (it will be 2 years the end of this month). I will try to find an email buddy. I do think that would help me at work. I am also very visual, so I am planning on posting words of truth everywhere at my desk. :)

    "Soul Mates" - it sounds like you are doing so well. Praise God! I am in this with you too. I am praying for you and will continue to do so. I don't know about you, but I find such a strength in knowing women such as yourself and AA, etc...are praying for me. We are not alone. This is a very hard topic to own up to. Thank you for sharing. This devotional came to mailbox at a very opportune time. It was like God was just showing me yet again how I need to get out...do the right thing. I understand the "missing" of the man. It can consume my thoughts. I too am not new at Christianity. But I'm learning that Satan wants to use that against me as well. But...we have ALL sinned and fallen short of the the glory of God. And....if we confess our sins to Him, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins. I have a hard time remembering that those words are for me too!

    Some verses that I am drawn to right now are Mark 14:38 and Isaiah 32:17.

    I know this is still the beginning. Continue to pray...I will be praying too. If all of you could just truly know how much God has used you and is using you still. I feel stronger because of it.
    ~"June 10 Anonymous"

  74. June 10 anonymous, I am so proud of you for "catching" yourself and canceling the email account. In Jeremiah we are told that the heart of man is deceptive. So even our hearts can deceive us. It is only the Holy Spirit within us that we can completely trust. I encourage you to continue to listen to Him and let Him direct and order your steps. You are loved and prayed for by many....

  75. AnonymousJune 15, 2009

    June 10 Anon: I am doing well, but still feel weak at times. But I know that with the Lord's help, and the prayerful support of all of you, I will be victorious...and so will you! Be blessed!

    'Soul Mates'

  76. AnonymousJune 16, 2009

    To June 10 Anonymous: Did you read today's Prov. 31 devotion? One of the Scripture readings was found in Isa. 43:18-19. I read it in the NLT and it just screamed at me...especially the 19th verse! Here it is:

    18 “But forget all that — it is nothing compared to what I am going to do.
    19 For I am about to do something new. See, I have already begun! Do you not see it? I will make a pathway through the wilderness.
    I will create rivers in the dry wasteland.

    God is doing doing something big here. Let's not get weary doing what's right and let's continue to praise Him for His faithfulness.

    'Soul Mates'

  77. AnonymousJune 16, 2009

    Soul Mates -
    yes, today's devo from P31 struck me too. I agree that God is just doing His work and it continues to amaze me. I feel encouraged and filled with anticipation of what is ahead. I hope you do to. Something that even "through it all" I have clung to is that I know without a doubt that He (God) will never leave me. These are just tangible ways that He is showing this. I am longing to know what it feels like to always allow HIM to be the one to fill me. I prayed for you today!
    ~June 10 Anon.~

  78. AnonymousJune 19, 2009

    Greetings from Another Anonymous "AA": Just checking in with June 10th. No news is not necessarily good news in this case. I know that what you are doing is perhaps THE most difficult thing that you will ever do in your life. Are you pressing forward? It is going to be anguish at times.
    Things like(a such natural occurence such as communicating!):
    "Yesterday I did create a new email account and sent him a note that said "hi - my weekend has been peaceful. how are you?"Then, outloud to myself, I said..."what am I doing". I immediately cancelled the account (yet again), " are what we have to deal with when the veil of denial comes over us. Then we remember- Oh, it is not going to be like this anymore.
    I think that is part of the dynamic of how we go from the satisfaction of the relationship then to the pain of separation. This is where pressing forward is vital.
    God is quite willing to see us completely through this. I wish I could tell you it is a short journey, but it has not been for me. Don't let that deter you.
    Keep on! You will get to your destination!

  79. AnonymousJune 19, 2009

    This is "june 10 Anon." - I so appreciate AA inquiring. It hasn't been easy and this frustrates me, unfortunately. In my quiet time this morning I was even just telling God how much I would want to "wish" away all my thought patterns right now. I don't like how this has changed me. I feel soiled (if that is the right way to describe it). I do "get" that God doesn't see me that way, but it's hard not to feel that way about yourself. But there is probably some truth in the fact that I thought to highly of myself before this, as if I was "untouchable"....God has really used this to humble me (greatly)on my thoughts of who I am. I offer grace freely for others, but not so freely to myself.

    Communication is the hardest hurdle. It's so easy to just think I'm saying "hi" when really I would be just starting it all over. It is a habit not only in my actions, but a habit in how I worked through my day, what I thought about in my day, and what I wanted to feel like throughout my day.

    But this is what I know for certain...God is good, He wants only good for me, He does make beauty from ashes... I am learning what it truly means to make Him my only need and allow myself to be humbled, to now always feel "comfortable", but to actually have to work hard through a struggle fully relying on Him. (ahhhh...it's just hard. :) )

    Thanks for your continued prayers. I need them greatly. I am also praying for you. I look to these comments daily, sometimes several times a day. I believe these connections have been God loving all of us as we walk through these times.

    "June 10 Anon."

  80. AnonymousJune 19, 2009

    Hi June 10 Anon:

    This is 'Soul Mates' and I'm here crying after your last comment because I'm facing the hurdles you are. This is so hard. Sometimes I find myself fighting the urge to just wonder how he's doing. Some days it's harder than others and on the hard days it hurts so much. Mind you,it's been over three months since I've had any contact and it still hurts.

    Also, like you, I do feel "soiled." I'm not totally over the guilt of what I've done.

    I've been praying the Word of God, namely 2 Cor. 10:5 where it says: "We demolish arguments and every pretention that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ." I know what God says in His Word. If I confess, He'll forgive me and cleanse me. So, I've confessed (and confessed and confessed) and I know I'm forgiven, but...
    Know what I mean?

    Anyway, I want you to know I'm still prayng for you. If I haven't posted anything here it doesn't mean I've forgotten you. We're in this thing together. I need to feel like we're in this together.

    God bless!

  81. AnonymousJune 19, 2009

    Hi 'Soul Mates'

    Thank you, thank you for commenting. I continue to pray for you. I do know what you mean...and we are in this together. I find strength in that. Let's continue to keep in touch.

    When I'm not posting for a while it's only because I feel like I'm "hogging" the Blog posts...is that ok to do? :)

    nonetheless, God has a plan for us in the journey. He makes all things new....it may be a different new, but new. I strongly dislike how I struggle most of the time, but I just keep going. I feel defeated a lot because of my thoughts, not my actions at this point, but I keep praying.

    I pray for peace for you!
    ~June 10 Anon~

  82. AnonymousJune 20, 2009

    Hi June 10 Anon!

    I don't think the sisters would mind if we "hogged" the blog posts. (LOL) Personally, it's a little like therapy for me. So, yeah, I'd like to stay in touch as well. :)

    I know the Lord is doing something new. I can almost feel it in my bones. The awesomeness of His love is becoming more and more evident to me. I'm just so amazed by it! And when I think about it, it really helps me to stand firm and makes me want to obey Him and leave behind whatever would take me away from Him.

    Whenever I feel defeated (I know exactly what you're taking about!), I try to remember that in all things we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us. We may feel weak at times, but that doesn't negate God's Word. We just all need to keep building each other up as we maintain our relationship with the Lord.

    Have a good rest of the weekend. I'm praying for ya!

    'Soul Mates'

  83. Another anonymous "AA"June 21, 2009

    Greetings my dear sisters:
    Prayed for you today.

  84. AnonymousJune 21, 2009

    Thanks, 'AA'! Your prayers are so appreciated.

    'Soul Mates'

  85. Hey June 10 and AA, Absolutely feel free to talk here!

    I pray you are placing your hearts in God's loving, capable hands each day.

    Blessings ~ Rachel

  86. Another Anonymous "AA"June 22, 2009

    Dear Sisters, I want you to know that due to your encouragement, I am taking the big step, once again, to break the e-mail communication with my friend. This would not be a problem if he were only my friend, but I love him, now, just as much as I ever have. It is, as I've said, nearly 7 years later. It is only by the grace of God, and the FEAR of God's righteous judgment, that I did not go completely off the edge. It's been a tough haul living with my alcoholic husband, feeling like things were nothing for so long, like rails along the railroad tracks, never meeting, but sticking with my vows-- tch! Hard to think that now. I was living my own life and "getting together" with him at his convenience. My marriage brought me to despair. So far, I have not been able to get him to BE my husband. Of course, after all I have been through, I am no longer hurt and beating a dead horse! He's known about my friendship from the start, which originally included the man's estranged wife. He was invited into it, but declined. It had been a possibility for us to do some fun things as a couple, with people like him, who smoked cigarettes, no less! He was only able to rally himself to indignancy once when he thought something was going on. Nothing was, not like that anyway. Our friendship wasn't supposed to have been what it became- what a marriage SHOULD be (though without the sex)- an in love, romantic, caring, loving, friendly, supportive, pleasing, joyful, delight. I married young. Had a child young. If my husband and I were actually friends, I don't remember. I was a foolish girl, looking for attention the wrong way and got it! I have to accept life on life's terms. I am thankful I am older, yes, and even wiser. My journey is nearer to the end. I worked very hard to step back and back from my "heart and soul", i.e., my friend. It is only bacause I did work so hard, and my friend is actually a good man, and we both want to go to heaven, that we have been able to separate as much as we have thus far. But really, reflecting, I have to ask myself: besides the fact that I don't WANT to be totally separated from him- is there really any reason I should maintain a risky friendship? I think not. I will have to trust God, that God will take care of him. Thank you, ladies.

  87. AnonymousJune 22, 2009

    Hey! Thank you for your prayers. AA, I read your post and am praying for you. I have done and re-done the "letting go" part too many times to count, so I understand. It's almost to the point that it can become numb for me. I put myself right back into a very unhealthy emotional cycle. I let go...I grieve...I feel strong and feel freedom of some sort... I get "curious"... I say "hi"....then it starts all over again. I'm tired of missing him, thinking of him, etc... I would love to have my life as it was to where it wasn't even a thought. I am told this day will come. I believe that, but get frustrated with myself. I am not a victim. I chose this route in my life. I am not helpless, I can make whatever choices come to me in the day. I know in my mind that God is all that is needed to be truly fulfilled - it is just the ridculous cycle, especially in my mind that I must break. I think that is what the addiction part is. But it is a choice and that is what I need to remember. To continue to make good choices not just every day, but at every moment. Continue to pray for me. Today was hard, I did not make good choices, have corrected them, but now go down the road of remorse.

    Praying for you guys!
    ~June 10 Anon~

  88. Another Anonymous "AA"June 22, 2009

    Hello again, I have prayed for you ladies today, too.
    My challenge will be to not travel over this road again that I have decided to choose not to travel over again. It is easy to become forgetful. I think that is actually denial. This truly is the last link that holds us together in a concrete way. Yes, I've tried this over and over again many times and I'd have to question if I will succeed this time, but I know we have made greater strides than we ever have with our separating from one another. I just think it would overall be BEST if I simply CEASED contact. I don't hate him. I love him. Most normal people do not desist from a relationship that provides satisfaction. His conscience has long been conflicted. I have born all for him. I have to tell myself things like he is not mine, and I am not going to cry over what is not mine. I said that as I began to cry my "I miss him" tears. I think I will make a little chart to check off my days that I don't make or look for contact. Last time in research I saw that I could expect him to contact me within 60 days. It was 22. I Could have let it go THEN, by not replying-- he KNEW we had agreed to that--so I COULD have held steady! I wouldn't be back here now! Oh, well, try again. It is strengthening to know several are seeking to change their lives, too. Exodus 14:13-14 was a thought this morning.

  89. AnonymousJune 23, 2009

    'AA', thanks for being so candid. I'll be praying for you. 'June 10 Anon', I'm praying for you as well. And I'm so thankful for the both of you. It's made such a difference to know that I'm not alone.

    I'm grateful to the Lord that I've come this far without having made any contact with the guy in three and a half months. But I must confess that I'm in the 'curious' stage. When I least expect it, my thoughts turn to him. I keep wondering how he's doing, what he's doing and wanting to drop an email just to say hi. And if I don't catch myself, my mind can just go on and on. But thankfully, I do catch myself (with the Lord's help) and I know it would be the wrong thing to do. (Talk about an understatement!) 'June 10 Anon', you were so right on when you wrote about making choices. And I have to constantly remind myself what the consequences of my choices will be. My thoughts are definitely more controlled than they were a month or two ago, but I haven't arrived yet. And Rachel and this blog site have been a great help.
    Let's keep praying for each other and building each other up. I know all this has been orchestrated by the Lord. He's been showing me just how much He truly loves me and wants to be everything in my life that I need and desire. And I don't want to let Him down anymore.

    God bless you guys!

    'Soul Mates'

  90. AnonymousJune 23, 2009

    'Soul Mate' - first off good job! When you wrote about the curious stage and wondering how he's doing and wanting to say hi...I don't know about you, but I find that when I desire these things...if I were to be completely honest with myself, it is because I want to "feel" a certain way. I want to "get something" from him. It is usually the feeling of being wanted by him still or to know that maybe he's missing me or is thinking of me. The hard truth for me is that as many times as I've gone back and forth...he is happier to NOT have contact with me. But the REAL issue (for me at least) in all this is WHY I want to contact him. I am filling something in my soul or my heart that I've conditioned myself to think I need. My worth, me feeling good can't come from him and never should have. I put that need in the wrong place in the first place. I let him fill it. This is the thinking I am trying to create. I have a husband. My husband is loving, a very good man, and knows of my initial interaction with this other man. He fought hard for me...this is rare I know. He loves me very well. So, this is all a stronghold that I've allowed to enter into my life. We cannot allow others to fill voids and "feelings" that we feel we need to have.

    Does that make sense? (I kind of just did a dump... :) ) But this is something I've been thinking about recently. About how what I'm really wanting is a certain feeling he use to give me...which is wrong and wrongly placed.

    I am currently trying hard to fight back wtih my thought patterns. Feeding on God's word and HIS truth. To not allow Satan to keep waving my sin in my face that I've already blown it...These are lies.

    Keep going, keep believing and knowning that God loves us SOOOO MUCH! and wants to know our hearts inside and out...the good, the bad, and the ugly.

    Love to you and thank you for your prayers...I am praying for all of you.

    AA - I praying for you...for peace, endurance, strength, and for God's love to be shown to you.

    ~June 10 Anon.~

  91. AnonymousJune 24, 2009

    'June 10 Anon' - You're right. A big part of it was about how it made me feel. It felt great, especially knowing that he was probably thinking about me as well. But then the horrible part set in. Besides the guilt and shame that I felt, there was also the fact that I knew that I could not have been the 'one' for him. And that just shot my self esteem to the ground. I was never so down on myself. And that feeling worked it's way into every other part of my life. It actually became painful to feel those feelings. It had gotten to the point where I would have welcomed severe physical pain just so I wouldn't feel the emotional pain. No exaggeration! Even thinking back on it, I can't believe I let it get that far. And I don't ever want to go there again!

    It took a while for me to snap out of it. I have a friend who knew most of what I was going through and she told me that whatever I do, not to stop praying, reading my Bible and doing daily devotions, which is exactly what I had done. (My thinking had been, "If I'm in sin, what's the point?" Know what I mean?) But as she told me this, I sooooo felt it was the Lord speaking to me because there was such an indescribable tenderness in the words. Thankfully, I heeded His word and I tried to get back into a routine. 'June 10', He was calling me back. I needed to repent before I got any farther away from Him. I started reading the Old Testament prohpets who were calling Israel to repentance or there would be severe judgement. The Lord spoke harshly to them, but (and this is a big but!) there was always hope. There was always His undying love. And there was always His promise. God would never break His promise to His people, regardless of how he had to punish them for their unfaithfulness to Him. And He's extending that same hope to us.

    I've said it before and I'll say it again. All of this was orchestrated by God so we could turn our lives back around. We can and will demolish the strongholds that you mentioned. We just have to keep praying for a constant filling of the Holy Spirit in order to do so.

    God's love is so great I don't even have the words for it. That He brought us here to help and build each other up is testament to that. Let's keep it up!

    Love and Blessings (To you, too, 'AA'!),
    'Soul Mates'

  92. Another Anonymous "AA":June 25, 2009

    Another Anonymous "AA":
    Wow! It has only been since Monday that I made my (again) decision! And it will continue...until the end of my days. I'm not doing too badly. I am praying for all of you and me, doing my readings, and reframing my thoughts. Keeping myself busy trying to "beat the dead horse Ha!",i.e., the husband who will NOT "BE" my husband. He is too consumed with his alcohol. I am staying away from my computer. I am forming different habits. With prayers and thanks, AA

  93. AnonymousJune 26, 2009

    I continue to pray for you 'AA'. You keep it up!

    'Soul Mates'

  94. Another Anonymous "AA"June 26, 2009

    Well, I'll just have to let you know, I did take a look at my e-mail for the first time since Monday. I had 2 e-mails. One was just an update. The other was his reflection on my stating I wouldn't be writing anymore.
    I wanted to be careful of my emotional state before I even read an e-mail. I am ok. I still have no intention to write again. I have to remind myself, I have MY reasons for not writing and they are not always obvious to me, because when I don't write, the "conflict" vanishes. He will be fine. I will, too. I will miss writing to him, and I will miss him, but it needs to be this way. I have continued to change my habits. I'll need to stick with that when my vacation ends this week. I need to not go back to what I did before. E-mail first thing in the morning. I think I can! Prayer, Bible reading...and whatever else...anything else, if necessary, to keep the change up. This is almost a 6 year + activity. I quit smoking cigarettes once and never went back. One of the reasons my friend loves me so much is that I was instrumental in his becoming sober. So, he has stopped drinking and not gone back. I can do this. It is not a bad thing. Thanks for being there. My prayers continue with you all. AA

  95. AnonymousJune 27, 2009


    I know you can go back to work on Monday and be strong because we can do all things through Christ who strengthens us. Remember what Christ's love did for you, the sacrifice He made for you. It's thinking about His amazing love that's helping me get through all this. Stay committed to the Lord and to doing the right thing. You'll get through it. And remember, we're here for you, too. :)

    God bless!

    'Soul Mates'

  96. AnonymousJune 28, 2009

    Dear Ladies,

    Thank you so much for your willingness to share your stories. They have offered me strength and courage over the last few weeks. My story is somewhat different, yet the same as many of yours. I am a single 29 year old woman. For the past four years I have been tangled in a web of lies and sin with a single man who is not a Christian. I didn't know this in the beginning -- I asked the first time we met and he said yes but I think that was just used to lure me to him. It was great at first. After being single for what seemed like forever, I met a man who seemed to be what I had always dreamed. I feel hard and fast. Within a few weeks, his character revealed itself to me. He stopped trying to see me or ask me on dates. Instead he only contacted me through text messages that said he "missed me" and wanted me to come over. At first it didn't seem unusual or wrong. We were physical to a degree, but I was saving myself for marriage and he knew that and didn't push. But things continued and the pressure to have sex increased. I was in love, or so I thought, and I struggled with giving in to his request. Day by day my self-esteem and self-worth withered away. I felt like I wasn't good enough to be seen with him or I wasn't special enough or didn't even deserve to be taken on a date. If I said anything he would have excuses like he didn't want a girlfriend right now, but we should continue to see each other so when and if the time was ever right we could be together. I was stuipd for so long. He never contacted me during the day. He never wanted to know anything going on in my life. I was just a physical need being met for him. I didn't realize it at first, but after awhile I did but I choose not to leave. I know the Holy Spirit was with me the whole time. Every time I would get a text message, I immediately felt like I would throw up. I was shake when we talked on the phone, and yet when he asked me to come over I would jump to do it...no matter what hour in the middle of the night it was. I hated myself. I am woman who truly loves God. I desire to serve Him and led a godly life. But over and over again I choose someone who didn't even care for me over the One who loves me unconditionally. Over the past year I have changed my phone number then later when he reached out to me through email, sent him my new number. It would continue again for a few months. I have blocked him over four times now. Four weeks ago he found me on facebook and within days I was at his house again. He told me this time he loved me. The next day I texted him to ask what he means when he says he loves me. He called me and yelled at me for 10 minutes saying that I just blew him off for months and was being a hypocrite for wanting affirmation from him. He said "you are always needing something aren't you?". The next time he called me to come over he pursued sex and I gave in. I have waited my whole life to share that with my husband. To feel special and loved and I gave it away to someone who didn't even say anything to me afterwards. I am so broken. I slept with him three more times, each time hating myself. Last night at 2 a.m. he sent another message for me to come over and I said no thanks. He responded by saying he never wanted to talk to me again and to have a nice life. He went on to say that I shouldn't lie to the next guy about being a virgin. After all of that he didn't even believe that I was. This morning, I blocked every number I know he has as well as every email address. I deleted him from facebook and blocked him so he cannot search for me. I am reaching out because even though I have so many godly friends and family who love me, I don't think I can share of this with them. I have failed to leave him so many times that I don't want to turn to them again with my struggle. Please pray for me. I want God's best for my life. I want to be restored. Thanks for giving me a change to share my story. I will appreciate any prayers.

  97. Dear Anon 29 and single. Hold on tight to your resolution to cut the ties and break away. I did not marry till I was 31 and was not exactly pure when I did marry. God was working on me prior to my marriage, but I did not heed to His promptings and callings. You are not alone. I belief that when our upbringing is lacking in our needs and we haven't 'connected' with the Holy Spirit, I believe we seek it in the arms of a man, material possessions, job, successes, etc. I guess what I think you need to know is that you are not the only one who has fallen for Satan's ploys and given into your weakness. But through the Holy Spirit within you, you can find the strength to walk away once and forever. Just keep putting one foot in front of the other and keep walking. Focusing on the reward that Christ has for you. Healing and forgiveness. He will restore you, He will revive you and He will keep you safe and fill your every void. You are precious in God's sight and He loves you and cares for you like no man ever will or ever can. He is and can be your everything...and I mean everything. Anon 29 and single, you are princess to the King of Kings. Persevere!

  98. AnonymousJune 28, 2009

    Thanks Mags...today has been difficult, but I know its only through the strength of Chris I was able to resist him last night. I have been praying that I would have the mind of Christ and that He would help me to not be deceived in any way. I believe this has helped me stay focused on what He has for me instead of the lies and manipulation that this guy was feeding me. I trust that God has not abandon me. I know that His love is the same today as it was on my "best" day. Thank you for your encouragement.

    I'm praying now that God will show me areas where I need to put up boundaries. I know this was all just a ploy of Satan to steal the joy that my heavenly father has given me. He will not win. In fact, he has already lost. I will not even let him play with my mind now and make me feel guilty and worry that I have hurt this guy. I pray that my poor example of a Christian woman doesn't hinder him from finding Christ one day. I pray that in heaven I will see him fully restored. But, until then I have given him to God. I trust that if I God can rescue and restore me that He is also able to restore what I once thought was "my love".

    I am weak right now, but the Word says that His power is made perfect in my weakness. I am the righteousness of Christ and I am no longer in bondage to sin. I am more than a conqueor because the blood of Christ covers me.

    Ladies, we must not let anything deceive us. I will pray for you and I ask that you pray for me. This is a battle and we need each other. God promises that all we have to do is to keep looking to him -- not to be perfect -- but to keep our eyes on Him. That is my prayer for myself and each of you tonight. May nothing cover our eyes and hinder our sight. Day by day may the love of God and His glory be more apparent to us. May these struggles be just a short while, but may the victory surpass our greatest hopes.

    With the love of Christ,
    Anon 29 and Single

  99. AnonymousJune 28, 2009

    Anon 29 and Single:

    I'm so proud of you. You're doing the right thing. Keep reciting the verses you mentioned in your last post. Replace all the lies the enemy led you to believe with the Truth of God's Word.

    As I was reading my Bible earlier this evening, I felt like the following verse would speak to you. 1 Peter 5:10b says:
    "...he will restore, support, and strengthen you, and he will place you on a firm foundation." I hope it does speak to you. You're not alone in any of this. God promised He will never leave you nor forsake you. And now you have a bunch of sisters backing you up in prayer. :)

    Mags, thanks for the reminder that we are all princesses of the King of Kings. It felt so good to read that.

    Let's continue to support each other in prayer and on this blog. It's helped me so much to know that I have some wonderful sisters in Christ praying for me. I can tell you that God is answering those prayers!

    Love and Blessings to you all!
    'Soul Mates'

  100. Another Anonymous "AA"June 28, 2009

    Oh, dear anon 29! I wish I could give you a big hug and tell you I am so sorry to hear of your pain. How we live in this world, I don't know! For me, I know it is only with the purpose and knowledge of God in my life. I will be making greater efforts in His direction, and believe me, since I have come across this site, you know who I'm praying for, and now you know who ELSE! YOU! "God is the strength of my heart". Thank you everyone. AA

  101. AnonymousJune 29, 2009

    Thank you Soul Mates and AA for your prayers! I know today is the first step. Within the first 20 minutes of being awake my mind has already wanted to start romanticizing him. I'm praying that I won't even go there. I'm praying that God will allow me to see the sin as what it is...as dark and ugly and anything but romantic. I know most battles start in the mind, so I'm praying for all our minds to be protected today. I will be repeating this verse today..."For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of POWER, and of LOVE and of a SOUND MIND." 2 Tim 1:7. I will claim this today and I will not grant any thought access to my mind and my heart that goes against God's promise to me.

    My true love is my Savior Christ Jesus. I will not long for counterfeits any longer. I am thankful for my new friends to walk with me on this journey. God bless you all today!

    Anon 29

  102. AnonymousJune 29, 2009

    Another Anonymous "AA":
    Hey, let's put a new twist on "the things we do for love" theme and apply it to God today! I spent time with the Lord first this morning. I appreciate the blessing and verse. I'll meditate on that today. My good word this morning was in Proverbs 8, "good judgment" in vs. 14 really impressed me. So, I can ask myself questions when I find myself thinking about my friend, etc., then apply chapter 8 and vs.14 in particular. We'll get there! Just need to keep pressing on. I've also done my browsing about Gov. Sanford to have rational food for thought and reflect on anything that I may identify with from any points of view. I read the "in love" feeling causes people to do things that in the "normal" life they would never do. Last night I wrote to my husband, who has been no help to me through all of my difficulties, to ask WHY he does not want to be in love with me? I don't believe "in love" is only for the young or new in a relationship. I believe that as God planned marriage for life, he'd give us the cohesiveness of "in love" to help carry it through. (Willard Harley, Jr.'s Marriage Builders website is great.) I was fed bad info early on in my marriage. I thought we had to "work" on things. Of course, I was the only one working! No wonder there was so much "work" going on-- because we were not in love! We always said, "I love you", but that is not the same. It was not for nothing that Proverbs says a man should always be endeared to his wife's bosom. What wife would want that if the man hadn't taken ALL of her in? One day at a time, YES! AA

  103. AnonymousJune 30, 2009

    Dear Anon 29 and single.
    God works in mysterious ways his wonders to perform. I didnt know that I will one day be used to minister to others. I can identify with you because I am also single at 33. The devil uses all his ploys to make us fall. I was lured over a period of three years by a non christian single guy. Initially i thought it was a joke that someone who is not born again could actually even consider us being friends. I think I left too many loopholes to the devil when i allowed him to become friendly to me. I also encouraged visits from him and I in return visited his place. This went on for a while during which i let feelings for him to take over. I coudnt resist his touch anymore. He knew my stand about waiting before marriage but said i should never say never as i didnt know what would happen. And sure enough before i realised it I had given myself to him thrice. Right now am picking up the broken pieces of my life and turning to Jesus since I now realise that it was not love but lust that really took over. I am learning to suppress my feelings for him in that there is a part of him that was left in me. Those of you who are married know this. You cannot forget someone that you have given your most precious possession to that easily. There is always a struggle. Meanwhile galfriend there is hope. I signed up with the ministry of Settingcaptivesfree.com online purity course and so far am on day 39. Those days of victory is quite something to me. I encourage you to sign up for this course. The principles they teach there including radically amputating any sin source and having an accountability partner are just great. I am praying for you in this journey since we are in the same army with the devil as our common enemy. Go gal. You are an overcomer through Jesus Christ who strengthens you. As they say "God's grace is stronger than the pull of sin".

  104. AnonymousJune 30, 2009

    I am amazed at what God is doing here! I love how we can encourage each other, build each other up and pray for one another through this blog. I can tell you that it has helped me tremendously to know that there are Godly women on my side praying and not judging me. And that God could use my situation to bring all this out in the open for the eventual restoration of others is almost mind blowing! God is so good!!

  105. AnonymousJune 30, 2009


    I'm struggling...continue to pray as I pray for you. I pray for each of you and I know and "get" how hard it is. Thanks.

    ~June 10 Anon~

  106. AnonymousJune 30, 2009

    June 10 Anon:

    Was wondering how you were doing since it's been a few days since you last posted.

    Stay strong. I'm still praying for you.

    "The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged." Deuteronomy 31:8

    Hold on to the Lord's promises. He is faithful.

    Love and blessings!

    'Soul Mates'

  107. AnonymousJuly 03, 2009

    Anon June 30...I cannot thank you enough for sharing your story with me. While I am sadden to know someone else has experienced the heartache similar to mine, I am comforted to know that I am not alone in the journey to overcome the power and addictiveness of this sin in my life. Thank you for the suggestion on the website. I plan on checking it out. Thank you again for the encouragement. It is just another reminder that God is good and that He always provides for me.

    I pray that you will continue to be strengthened day by day by His love for you. I sometimes pray that God will fix my broken "want to" or my desire for those things are not good for me. That's my prayer for you today. May we both fall so in love with our Lord that anything else - even the good things in our lives - are pale in comparison. Keep fighting, keep praying. I'm in the battle with you!

    God Bless!
    Anon 29 and Single

  108. AnonymousJuly 08, 2009

    Still praying for you guys. :)

    'Soul Mates'

  109. AnonymousJuly 08, 2009

    Thank you, "soul mate"

    I am praying too. I am back deep into the battle....

    ~June 10 anon ~

  110. AnonymousJuly 08, 2009

    Anon 29 and single!
    I have been praying for you. How are you doing so far? No weapon that is fashioned against you will stand for the battle belongs to the Lord. I hope you have managed to sign up for the purity course in the setting captives free online courses. Am on day 44 and still pressing on. I pray that you may receive the same encouragement that I have received so far - Knowing that we are overcomers through Christ who strengthens us.

    With love in Christ!
    Anon June 30

  111. Another Anonymous "AA"July 10, 2009

    Hi Ladies, The small amount the contact I had by writing a 2nd e-mail-- the extenuating circumstance e-mail (a son's death anniversary)--has caused me much sadness and grief. I miss my friend. He was my best friend and I never wanted to leave him. It is only because we are so completely pleased with each other that it was necessary for us to part company. Now I am alone. Yes, alone with God.
    I guess I will try again to cease the e-mail contact.
    I am going to keep a little notebook and monitor my moods/emotions. I need to live MY life. I can't afford to spend my life crying over my friend. If writing to him does this to me, I must stop. The problem is I cannot be casual with him.
    June 10-- I certainly understand your struggle. Pick yourself back up and get in the ring! The Lord says we may fall down, but he will not allow us to stay down!
    With prayers today. AA

  112. Hey Gals. Just wanted to encourage you to "fight the good fight."

    When you feel weak, cry to God for strength. When you feel sad, cry out to God for comfort and peace. Do it!

    Set some new goals for yourself. Start a project. Change up your routine or your surroundings. Maybe repaint your computer room. Find some (non-romance) novels to enjoy.

    And try to get some exercise each day - go out for a 15 minute walk in your neighborhood or park. It'll do your both body and your emotions good!

    Blessings ~ Rachel

  113. AnonymousJuly 10, 2009

    Thank you, Rachel. It is a continued struggle and that is so frustrating. You almost become numb to it just not to have to feel it again and again...which isn't a good thing. Something I read recently through a study I just started was to not focus on my sin, but to focus on God's glory. at first I wondered what it meant by God's glory. It sounds "right" but does me no good if I don't really know "what" that focus means. I've since learned to understand that the radiance of God's glory is Jesus. I have been focusing too much on how me being out of this sinful pattern will make me a better mom, wife, productive employee, etc....where really I need to break this sinful pattern for the glory of God and the way to do that is through drinking his Living Water (His Word). This would have been "text book" answers for me in the past, but it has made a very real connection with me. My sin leaves me so hungry over and over again. And that is Satan's plan. But to trust God's promise of filling me up. THat is my focus and nothing else. It's hard....

    Thank you for continued prayer. I pray for ALL of you also.

    ~June 10 Anon~

  114. AnonymousJuly 13, 2009

    I've failed again. Please pray for me.

    Anon 29

  115. AnonymousJuly 14, 2009

    To Anon 29:

    I'm praying for you. You may have fallen again, but you can choose to get back up. Take it all to the Lord. He's waiting for you.

    Hebrews 4:16, "Let us then approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need."

    'Soul Mates'

  116. Anon 29,
    This a stumbling block that satan continues to put in front us...that when we fall that God's grace can not save us AGAIN! Envision the cross...the excruciating pain that our Lord and Savior suffers for us...that was for me and my sins and the ones I fall into again, that was for your sins and the ones you will fall into again. It is not an excuse to keep sinning, habitual sin is just that, sin. But sin that we struggle with and we're trying to rid ourselves of well, that comes down to the Holy Spirit. The Holy Spirit is there and willing, the flesh is weak. You MUST tap into the power of the Holy Spirit, you can not do it of your own accord. You MUST believe that through Christ all things are possible. It is your faith and belief in God and belief in His promises that you MUST place all your energy and all your thoughts. In fact, every time this guy comes into your thoughts, muster all your power to envision Christ hanging on the cross suffering for you. Every graphic detail. Watched 'Passion of the Christ'...remember those scenes? That should bring you to some ground of holiness...it does me. You MUST belief in the power of the cross!

  117. AnonymousJuly 15, 2009

    Thanks for your comments. I was doing so well. I had blocked every email address I knew he had and every phone number. I felt like I had finally put up the appropriate boundaries, had asked for forgiveness and was starting the healing process. Then Sunday night, after an emotional horrible day (family tradgey) I opened my email and he is there. I resisted, but within a couple of hours I was there again. I feel so horrible. I feel like such a failure. I love God so much and I want desperately to live a godly life pleasing to him yet, in an instant I went there to selfishly attemp to fulfill my flesh (that is impossible by the way). I feel like I have victory for a moment -- even months at a time -- but I guess my heart never changes. I pray constantly and am in God's word. I realized yesterday that maybe I maybe I am trying to do this in my own power. I thought I was giving everything to Him, but maybe I'm not. I want to be changed and I want out of this pit. I prayed all day yesterday for God to show me the way out. I know God will never leave me or abandon me. I know there is part of me that is still believing lies. I won't give up. I know my God will rescue me. I convet your prayers. Besides God, I haven't had the courage yet to reach out to anyone else. This blog is a blessing. Blessing because I know there are women out there who understand and will help fight for me in prayer in ways I can't quite fight for myself right now. I am going to get more information today about counseling. Please pray that my eyes will be opened. That my desire for God and my strength in Him is greater than my love (which I know isn't really love) for this man. I pray that he will stop pursuing me. Thank you all for having a heart that loves God and loves his people - especially those who are hurting. I pray soon I can share with you all the details of my deliverance.

    Clinging to Him,
    Anon 29

  118. AnonymousJuly 15, 2009

    I am praying hard for you..all of you!

    ~June 10 Anon~

  119. AnonymousJuly 16, 2009

    He reached out to me again last night. I made an excuse not to come over. This morning I once again blocked his number. Please pray that God will reveal any open doors I have that allows this guy to enter into my life. I am praying that God will transform me by the renewing of my mind. Thank you for your prayers. They are giving me strength.

    Anon 29

  120. Well done, Anon 29!

    just keep doing the next right thing.

    I've prayed for you this morning.

  121. Another Anonymous "AA"July 16, 2009

    Hello all, and especially, Anon 29, I have another BIG hug for you! Praise God you were able to make that decision last night! Bravo! I came across something quite informative that I'd like to share. I'm sure some of this can help: just google "Conquering Any Kind of Addiction or Craving" by Diana Holbourn. (oh, yes, I'm still trying to quit the sporadic obsessiveness). She talks about various addictions, how we try to get our needs met, how to give up addictions. There are many concrete things that we can DO and I think she helps to provide knowledge on the subject. With the help of God, and encouragement of each other, change is possible. With prayers today...AA

  122. AnonymousJuly 16, 2009

    Dear Anon 29 and single,
    I have been praying for you dear Gal for God to strengthen you. You are a Conquerer through Jesus presence in you.
    As shared earlier on, we are in the same struggle, but greater is he that is in us than him that is in the world. Mine is a daily temptation too but I have chosen to do what is right in Gods eyes. Tell you what, even today He was suggesting that we sin yet again but I said no without any apologies. God has given me power that I didnt know that I had before.
    Just remember Gods grace is stronger than the pull of sin. Mine is also a daily struggle but I have come this far by God's grace. You have already started healing by sharing your story but you need someone to walk with you especially a close christian woman friend that you trust. Consider sharing your story with her and requesting for her accountability, especially someone from your local church. That was my first step in this journey. You also need to cut all contacts with him meanwhile as you have already done. For my case I had to fall again to realise how important that was. Do not watch/listen to programs or songs that lead you towards that direction. Simply said saturate your mind with God'd word all the time. I know its not easy especially in the initial stages but we are praying for you to have strength to overcome.
    Your sister in Christ
    Anon June 30

  123. AnonymousJuly 23, 2009

    Hello all...God is so good. I am making progress even though it's a little slower and different than I thought. My heart for him is not completely changed, but I know God is with me and working on me. I'm am doing my best to be submissive to Him and His for my plan for my life. I talked to a counselor at my church and she feels I have a relationship addiction. That term alone has given me some ounce of freedom and hope. If there there is a name for it, then I'm not alone and I believe I can be restored from this horrible web that I have entangled myself. Yesterday, I made an appointment with a Christian counselor who specializes in relationship issues. I will go on my first session in 2 weeks. I can't wait to be free. I know the freedom isn't in counseling, but I am praying God will set good people in my path that He will use to help me. I'm realizing so much about myself it is overwhelming, but I am also learning about the deep love of God. I'm still struggling with letting go. The battle between my spirit and flesh are at a fever pitch. I pray that no one else reading this can relate to my story. I wouldn't wish this on anyone. But for those of you who do know this pain, I want to encourage you. I haven't completely come through, but I won't let go of God and I know He is going to change me. Keep holding on to Him. He will never give up on us.

    My prayers are with you. Thank you for your prayers for me.

    Anon 29

  124. Anon 29
    Praise God! Its been a while and just wanted to find out how you are doing. I am still clinging on God's Grace which has been sufficient this far. I appreciate the work that God is doing in our lives. Someday our tests will be used as testimonies to encourage others. May the Lord be your shield and defence always as you choose to make wise choices. God bless you!
    Anon June 30.

  125. Anon Girls, where are you?
    How are you doing??

  126. This is "June10 Anon"... I am doing really well. I have not had perfect times the last couple of months. But I have been taught the mostly strongly by God and He has showed Himself to me in ways I am so thankful for. I just finished reading "When Godly People Do Ungodly Things" by Beth Moore. This book was huge in understanding of what happened and how I positioned myself without even realizing it (until it was too late) for Satan to gain a foothold.

    I am currently finding much peace in Christ's forgiveness (this was very difficult for me and took me a long time), I am praying all the time and have reached out for prayer with a few trusted women in my life. (I beleive this is a strong spiritual battle to be fought), I am working towards the re-training of my mind (this was a huge "light bulb" for me). I've learned how what you gather in your mind, effects your heart, which will ultimately effect your actions. Again, this was huge.

    I've learned (and continue to) that i have harbored so much sin in my mind, probably for several years...that Satan was just waiting for the right time to let himself in. Sin in our minds is so easy to cover and even justify. I am excited to know this! I am excited to know because now I can face those sins with God and call it what it is. You can't do or deal with what you don't know.

    God is good. I fully believe this. I understand that I probably have a long way to go, but I am thrilled for the first time and feel real with where I am for the first time.

    Thank you for asking, Rachel. Greater is He that is in me than he that is in the world....

    ~June 10 Anon

  127. That's terrific June 10!!

    Smiles & prayers ~ Rachel

  128. Another Anonymous:
    I've made some significant progress, but I am still hurting from the pain of living with the husband who keeps my "husband sized void" unfilled.
    I press on though.
    Thanks for your concern.
    I hope we have all made some progress.

  129. Hello everyone!
    I'm new here, just come to say hello:)

    [url=http://klirok.net/blog/node256.php?r=rachelolsen.blogspot.com]My future blog[/url]

  130. Another Anonymous:
    Well, some time has passed, hasn't it. I've been working or not working on trying to change things with my relationship with my friend, the man who loves me and I him.
    I have taken the big, very big step of writing him a final email to say that I was deleting my email account. It crushed me. I was grieved and angry. I just WISH my friend and I could be "just friends". Ain't happenin'. That's the reality of this relationship. When people feel as he and I do toward each other that is when they have thoughts of marriage and spending the rest of their lives together. We do not have that liberty. My friend has gone forward at church and stated he was coveting another man's wife. Who knows what anyone thought, but he meant it in a total sense. He loves me completely. He wants to live his life expressing his love for me each and every day. It is not to be. I am not his wife. Unfortunately, I am his best friend and he is mine. I spoke to my preacher Sunday and told him we have not gotten the help we have needed ever since we first mentioned -years ago now, how deep our love is for one another. Perhaps this time we will get the help we need. Good grief, we are not lovers- imagine...going to hell for remaining with a conflicted conscience! How terrible that would be! I don't feel conflicted now, but consequently, I miss him. Thanks for being here.

  131. Another Anonymous (AA) posting:
    By the grace of God 2 years has passed and I am not with my friend. I am still "alone", but I will not die.
    I hope that others who have struggled have not given up the fight.


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